Picture Lemmings, on their way to someplace, anywhere in the universe and that will give you an idea of the state of the poker room. Truly, the war of the microphones was up and raging for hours. At times the rush of sound would’ve knocked over a person with hearing problems as the microphones tried to beat each other into extinction.

It was my Friday, I’d signed up to play and E/O…like I was first…never got there. People kept coming through the door, hour after hour, standing in lines to get on lists and it was almost frightening. Hey, we only have 30 tables…

I dealt two of the Friday’s at 5 Tables. They were fun. The players were in a ‘ramble/gamble’ mode and no one acted as if they would sleep on the street if they didn’t win. Love these kind of people. This tournament has turned into a big event, great turn out and lots of interest.

I drifted through $20-$40 and $40-$80 7 card stud, $15-$30 and $30-$60 Holdem, no pain, no problems, no anguish.

The one table that stands out over all of them was an $80-$160, Must Move Holdem game on Table 21. When I sat down, it was four handed with one walker. A stranger in the 1s, 2s – Ritchie W., 5s – Sam G., 7s – walking, 9s – name unknown but someone that’s played at Bellagio for the last month or so.

Sam was in rare form. His appearance was different than the norm. He had a short, Don Johnson kind of beard…only picture it graying. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him like this, even from the Mirage days…totally out of character. He asked for a Time pass.

I called Nate, our swing shift supervisor and asked him for a time pass. Nate said something like this, ‘absolutely not. The game started before midnight and no time was taken so they’ve played for over a half hour for free and have to pay time…’

Sam argued. Nate replied, “If it’s one player, take time,” as he walked away.

I can’t help but laugh here. Sam did a “That’s the stupidest, fucking statement I’ve ever heard. You’ve made stupid statements, Linda, but you’ve never said anything that fucking stupid.”

The rant went on and on. He said the world was crazy…it wasn’t him.

I had the idiot smile pasted on my face. A couple of young guys were standing, watching the game and getting a huge kick out of Sam and his attitude. Sam continued with, “If it’s just me sitting here, Linda, you have to take time from me.”

The game went on…Sam rambling and slamming everyone…

The 1s chuckled with me. He said, “I’m really glad you’re here.”

I replied, “I’m really glad you’re here. Imagine what it’s like when I’m here alone, without someone like you in the game.”

He enjoyed the hell out of that statement.

He won a small pot with some crap hand and Sam threw in, “I’d give the dealer $20 if I won with that hand.”

The 1s ignored Sam and I asked the 1s where he was from, “Orange County.”

Sam and the 1s went to war. The 1s won the hand with Q-3 Off, making two pair on the Turn and a Full House on the River…he did give me $20 for a tip. Woo hoooo!

Sam didn’t say much. His audience was still there, watching every move.

Ritchie had to go to the main game. The 1s was told he had to move to when his blind came. He told me he didn’t really understand it and he wanted to stay with me, he was leaving for the Bahamas in a few hours and did I want to go with him…I said, “Sure I do.”

He went to the main game and left me anyway…ahhh…life as a poker dealer. His name is Tony and he was fun…while it lasted.

That left Sam and the 9s. They weren’t going to play heads up but along came Lee…always noisy…always disruptive…should get a life…but wait – there’s a poker game going on!

The three of them decided they would play Deuce to 7, triple draw.

Sam did a, ‘I can beat you to death, you have no options but to lose to me,’ kind of rant.

Carmen came over to load the missing player’s chips into racks and Sam started in on her…’the player that was missing must be one of the stars. Carmen reminded him of a star, Clark Gable without the moustache’.

Carmen said she didn’t see the connection. Sam said I (as in me the dealer) was laughing at what he said. Carmen picked up Sam’s drink. Sam went ballistic, “She’s drinking my drink, come on, Dealer….tell her she can’t do that!”

Now I was laughing. Carmen walked away.

The rest of my down was spent listening to how bad Sam was going to beat the two players left at the table. He brought up the fact that Carmen had taken a drink of his drink and she was crazy.

I asked him what he was drinking because if it was alcohol, maybe she needed a drink. He agreed.

He changed his tune, stating that he was crazy and it wasn’t the world. I pointed out to him that he had stated differently a short time before.

It all made sense at the time…as I listened to Sam try to finesse the 9s into staking him in a stud game in L.A.

Someone drifted by and made a comment to Sam, Sam’s reply was, “Yeah, I’m down here and they’re up there.”

My last down was a $4-$8 Holdem game. Two of the players were the audience for Sam and Table 21. The long and short of it was that I talked almost all the way through this down. They were all receptive, fun, and wanted to know about the players in the high limit…I yakked.

When I left the game and gave them a card for the address to here…my home…they said I had to mention the fun, warm, wonderful, enjoyable guys from Canada…so be it!!! They were.

Another year has drifted off into the time trail. That vast expanse of memories and dreams that float in and out of our conscious, everyday lives, just chalked up another year that we can never relive or claim again. It’s the past. Time to move to the future. But before I go, a few things I wanted to write about yesterday but couldn’t shift my tired, little brain into gear long enough to make it happen.

I hit Table 1 early in my shift, the night of the 30th. Renee, Celine’s hubby, was in the 1s. Phil I. in the 2s. Mike W. in the 3s. Mo in the 4s. Gus H. in the 5s. Chau in the 6s. Eli E. in the 7s. Shaun S. in the 8s. They were playing Mixed games, $1,000-$2,000 limit on some of the games and $1,500-$3,000 limit on others.

This table has the automatic shuffle machine on it and more than once, when I put in the used deck and took out the shuffled deck, the door would stay open and I had to close it manually.

More exasperation than anything else, I exclaimed, “What is going on with this machine? The door won’t close!”

Renee replied, “It’s the holidays. It’s always open for the holidays.”

I had a belly laugh over that one.

Gus had two “No Player” buttons. I asked him to turn them in to me. With a cocky little smile, he asked, “Will you just deal?”

I did. He turned them in to me with a $5 chip in the center, like a Red Bird Oreo Cookie. I thanked him and Shaun, one of my favorites – for a lot of reasons, asked, “Is that all you’re giving her for New Years?”

Gus gave him a little jab with, “I never see you tip anyone.”

Shaun pushed on, “Will you match what I give her?”

Gus persisted, “You never tip anyone.”

I thought about jumping in here and defending Shaun because he’s one of the best…for me anyway…in the high limit, but I decided silence would bode the best result.

Shaun never gave an inch. “Will you match what I give her?”

Gus gave a nonchalant shrug and replied, “Do whatever you want.”

At the end of my down, with the new dealer standing behind me, Shaun said to Gus, “Give me $100.”

Gus asked, “What for?”

For Linda. For New Years.”

Shaun threw out a black chip and so did Gus. I did the open mouthed, thank you, do you need your windows washed type of thing. That was $200 big ones for me.
Gus was so funny. He said, “I want you to tell me if he asks you for it back later, because I’m going to punch him in the mouth if he does.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. But seriously, Shaun is very good to me and he is the most generous of all the high limit players. Most of them behave as if they’re giving you a kidney when they throw you $2 or $3 as you leave the box or if you pushed them quadrillion dollars during the down. No, I don’t believe a player has to tip for any reason. But at times it seems ridiculous that I can deal the game, to the same players, day after day, without a mistake, giving them quality service and they never even think of throwing me $5 when they win a pot upwards of $20,000 or even higher.

*****

Silent Bob. That should say it all but there’s a lot more. He normally plays $30-$60 Holdem but upon rare occasion ventures into another game and limit. His name is Jim. He rarely closes his mouth when he plays…that would be as in being quiet and in stopping the flow of alcohol and cigarettes into his body. Personally, I find him to be quite entertaining and funny but I’m not in a game with him and I don’t take him with me when I leave the casino. Enough said from my point of view. He’s won several major tournaments and is generally known around the poker circuit.

When I hit Table 8, he was in the 9s. It was $80-$160 Holdem and he was jabbering up a storm. The first thing he did was state that he’d killed his wife. The conversation was directed at me and I retorted something like, “Really?”

He went on to explain that she was ok but he couldn’t stand her any more so he just killed her. Maybe you have to be a little twisted here to get into the humor of the situation and I am…so I listened while he rattled. I dealt the first hand and he stopped the whole game as he kept rambling; everyone was waiting for him to act on his hand.

After the first few hands, several players complained the he was talking too much. At this point I said, “I see you’ve met Silent Bob.”

A few minutes later, with complaints ringing in his ears, Silent Bob took a small piece of paper and wrote ’12:05 – 1 hour’ on it. He was going to be silent for one hour.

One player left and seat changes took place. Bob moved to the 3s. He took a missed blind button and left the table. When he returned, Doodle – in the 4s – asked what Silent’s name really was. The 1s replied that it was John.

Doodle asked me and I mouthed, “Jim!”

Doodle said he’d bet a stack that it was Jim, the 1s argued that it was John. It went on and on. Silent Bob wrote on the bottom of his small piece of paper, “You’re fucking idiots!”

Hysterical. The paper got passed around the table. When anyone asked him a question in the game, he would do charades but never said a word.

Silent Bob handed me a message written on a keno ticket. It read:
“NO KENO 🙂 *I* am the answer to a trivia question: Who is the only person in the history of the world to win WSOP and WCOOP same year (2003) ?????”

An hour later, while I was dealing a friendly little $4-$8 Holdem game, he leaned over the 6s, which was empty, stared at me and asked, “Is there anyone you’d like me to hit in the face right now? I’m really in the mood.”

I laughed and said, “No. Not right now. Maybe later.”

What the hell is going on? Nothing. He’s just like that!

It’s snowing. Not just little melty things that turn into a river of water, but fat, lusciously plump, moist snowflakes that are sticking to the trees and piling up on the ground. It’s beautiful but the scene sends shock waves through my system and reminds me why I no longer want to live in Montana.

*****

There are a lot of poker players in town, not the big names, they’re all in Tunica right now. These are just people that want to play, a lot of them have no idea what they’re doing but they’re doing it anyway. These games are not for the weak of heart…you never know what they’re going to show you.

Out of 30 tables, 27 of them ran most of the night. People walked through the door in droves until about 1:30 a.m. The room was still bustling and noisy when I left at 3 a.m.

*****

A friend I met at the tables some years ago, when I worked at the Mirage, has been in town playing the $15-$30 games. He’s a regular visitor to Vegas and loves to play poker. His name is Tom Minkel and he’s the Head Wrestling Coach for Michigan State. He’s always a pleasure to have in any game and adds a real touch of class to the meaning of sportsmanship.

*****

I heard a joke during our tournament that had everyone guessing. What kind of bird weighs more than any other bird on Earth and cannot fly? One guess was ‘a penguin’. Another guess – ‘an ostrich’. The answer is, ‘a railbird and some of them weigh up to 400 pounds’.

I’ve put a lot of thought into what it takes to be a professional railbird. They hang around waiting for the perfect moment to pounce on someone’s good nature and generosity, coming up with a practiced line that will net them a few dollars or a buy-in.
They are smart enough to know whom they can approach and get away with it, whether the answer is yes or no. They grovel when it’s appropriate. They pat the marks ego by adding a little compliment here and there. They feign interest in the mark and what’s going on in his/her life. They presume the mark is going to help them and is obligated to do so.

It must be quite an art because they are everywhere (not just poker rooms) and some of them appear to eat rather well. I hope it’s a lost art and they just drift off into history.

I’ve just been a little brat about posting. I had four days off and I enjoyed every single moment of them. Slept when I felt like it, took the dog for a hike and walks, worked on my book, talked to friends and loved ones by phone, met some of them for meals and picture taking…all in all, the perfect way to spend free time.

It’s back to work. More coming.

Merry Christmas world! My thought is that Christmas should be celebrated every day of the year; it is a day of rejoicing and sharing life and love.

Love is not shown in a gift or monetary endowment, it is shown in the way we treat ourselves and those around us on a daily basis.

This is my recipe for a great life, follow it every day:

Grab a handful of love, throw in a box of smiles, sprinkle with warmth, add a pinch of kindness, a dash of health, shake well and drink your fill but be sure to share some with those you love.

Happy Holidays!

While thoughts of Sugar Plum Fairies and all things mysterious and anticipated may be leaping through some people’s minds, the people I dealt to forgot it’s a few short hours before Santa visits their home. Well how would he know where they live when their presently domiciled at Table 15 or 13 or any table that has a game?
For some reason, in all the games I dealt except one, at least one person at the table was a spring loaded jerk.

My first game was $4-$8 Holdem. Whinny Whine complained because a player had been gone an awfully long time – I gave the one and only ‘Absent’ button to the stack of chips when I sat down.

After Whinny whined a few more times and kept rolling her eyes, looking at me as if I was supposed to throw the chips on the floor and get another player, I said, “I don’t make the rules. When I sat down, I gave the Absent button. When the next dealer sets down, they will give another Absent button. At that time, the player has 15 minutes to return to the game.”

Whinny folded out of turn at least six times. Each time, I prompted her to hold her hand until the player in front of her acted. “Well, he was reaching for chips…”

Finally I had her convinced to act in turn and she apologized. But another player, that plays all the time, does it every time he loses the previous hand and he took off with it, so I had to straighten him out too.

Two players took a walk and – BOOM – the rest of the table all became part of the Whine family. They weren’t going to play short handed! They wanted to draw for seats in another game.

We did have one seat open and I almost had them convinced that nine handed wasn’t a short game when one player picked his chips up and moved to another $4-$8 game. Calling the Floor Person was in order. The player had to return to our game so he cashed out instead. Another $4-$8 game broke and we got two of the players and everyone was chirpy smiley now, leaving Whinny Whine an orphaned child.

Next game? $8-$16 Holdem. Jimbo, (that’s what he calls himself and he incorporates himself, by name, into all conversations), has played on a pretty regular basis the last few months. A nonstop talker, he knows everything about poker and life and is pretty damned obnoxious to boot. He tells the same jokes over and over and gives poker lessons while he’s playing. Not to mention the fact that he tries to convince his opponents they are idiots when he beats them. He’d make a great cheerleader for a bombing mission. All in all, just a regular sort of guy, slugging down beer and playing poker.

The players were either chuckling or rolling their eyes at him during my down. I just deadpanned it when he started to tell me a joke and the others informed him he had already told it. Never even slowed him down, he told it anyway. Thank God those downs are only one half hour.

It went on and on through the night, then I got to deal to G. K. She’s been around since the Mirage days. She plays $15-$30 and $20-$40 Stud, hops back and forth between games whenever possible, plays like shit, rat holes cash if she can get away with it, talks to the dealer all the time concerning the hand, whether she’s winning or losing, and in general thinks the dealer is really concerned with whether she wins or loses a hand. And it’s definitely the dealer’s fault if she loses.

She was in the 8s and talking it up when I sat down, “How are you? – Haven’t seen you around…is everything ok?” genuine concern…NOT!

She held an Ace high Flush draw and ended up with Aces Up when her opponent already had six Spades on 6th Street. She paid him off anyway and lost a big pot.

Then she grouched at me, “I really didn’t appreciate you giving him that flush. I had an Ace high Flush draw.”

I replied, “He appreciated it.”

She grumbled at me, “Well I didn’t!”

I followed with, “Someone wins and someone loses, that’s poker.”

No, you’re right, I didn’t have to say a word to her. Maybe it’s like sitting over the Dunking Tank at the circus for 20 years and having someone throw balls at you – you just get tired of it and one day you start throwing them back.

She said, “I don’t need that analogy.”

She jumped up and transferred games. As she picked up the last of her chips, I quietly said, “Happy holidays. Have a good night,” this is standard for me and I wasn’t being a smart ass.

She stopped long enough to growl, “The reason I’m leaving the game is because of your attitude.”

I choked to keep from laughing, “I have an attitude?”

“Yes, you do!” away she went.

She’s another woman that gives women players a bad name. They can’t take a beat. They act like a man is supposed to lay down and willingly be ran over by them while they back up and rip the chips out of the man’s back pocket. Ugh!

It didn’t get much better. I went to a $30-$60 Holdem game. The man in the 3s knew everything – wait a minute, maybe he’s Jimbo’s dad…the one playing $8-$16.

He checked with a single finger flick that would have put Zorro’s blade to shame for speed. The first time it happened, I missed it. I asked him if he checked. He sarcastically blurted out, “Didn’t you see me check?”

“If I had, I wouldn’t be asking you now?”

He informed me that I had to pay attention. Hell, I need eyes in the side and back of my head and a radar unit surrounding my body plus ear plugs.

“It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Everywhere I go….”

I’ve spent the last few days being horribly, down on my knees, gut wrenching S-I-C-K! It just doesn’t happen to me and I didn’t handle it well at all. I ignored the world and tried to sleep as much as possible. It worked! I’m so damn much better now than I was a few days ago.

I went to work, the room was quiet and I asked to escape after a few hours. Nate let me go.

Speaking of escape, I managed to avoid the high limit games for the last five or six nights of work. I must have on my light tripping, fantasy enhanced, dealer dancing shoes to do that. Sweet!

I love those down to Earth, insane action, mid to low limit poker games where people have no idea what they’re doing but they just want to play.

*****

I’m back on Karate Don’s list. He gives me the wild eyed, rolling eyeball look when he passes me and can barely squeeze out a grunt in reply when I say, “Hello, Don.”

What did I do to deserve this honor? I dealt to him in a $40-$80 Stud game and he lost. Just before the end of my down, as he was giving me the ‘Look’, he picked up his chips and went to the next table in my line-up. It was a 7 Stud 8 or Better game. Don took the 2s and he fit right in with the lunatic in the 1s. (The 1s is the Gutter Snipe in the 12/03/03 post)

As soon as I hit the chair in that game, Don’s eyes were rolling. After a few hands, he was explaining to the 1s how he knows the dealers and he knows he can’t win, etc., etc., etc.

Hysterical! It’s been about a year and half since he’s had the jinx on with me. That’s a long time for someone that’s paranoid. He may be winding up for another LOA from the Poker Room, as in 86’d.

*****

I dealt two tables of the Friday’s at Five Tournament last week. I jerked them around at the first table by trying to deal 7 Card Stud. The Button was in the 10s and I just whipped into Stud Mode. They took it well, and yes, it was unintentional.

The second table, I had three gents that went all-in. Everything happened pre-flop. I had some of their bets in the middle but most of the chips were setting in front of the individual player when they turned their hands up. One had Q-J of Clubs and the other two held A-K. The two players with A-K split the pot.

Mark G. was in the game and he said, “The first thing you have to do is straighten the pot out.”

I said, “I know. I need help.”

Mark did help me with it for which I was very grateful. All three stacks had different amounts of money in them.

The 1s quietly said, “Good answer, ‘I need help’.”

I said, “Well, I do.”

He replied, “I mean it really was a good answer. A lot of people would have just tried to do it and messed it up.”

Another thing that happened in this tournament. Marcel L. was in the 7s and up walking around while the deal is going on. This is pretty normal for him. I dealt him in and he was up, visiting with a player in the next game, when the action came to him,
Charlie grabbed Marcel’s hand and held on to it while he asked Marcel what he wanted to do. Marcel hurried to his seat, looked at his cards, threw the hand away, and then returned to visit at the other table.

At this point, Charlie informed me that it was the dealer’s responsibility to immediately kill the hand if the player wasn’t in their seat when the action came to them and that he had only held on to it because Marcel was a friend of his. Really cute!

I said, “Ok. I haven’t dealt enough tournaments to be firm on the rules. But you’re the one to blame for holding on to his cards, right?”

He agreed.

Particularly in tournaments, I feel it’s very difficult to be on top of all situations as a dealer in our room. Tournaments are not something we deal every day and they are fairly new to Bellagio, this is our third and they are spaced far enough apart that one never gets the full scope of tournament dealing. We also may or may not even deal the tournament when we have one in progress, we may be dealing mostly live.

We have never been given a rule book on tournament dealing or even had a meeting on any rules or ways to work with specific games, limits, etc. It’s tough. I honestly believe that none of our dealers want to make a mistake. I know I don’t. So help us with a kind voice and a smile, please. Hostility just makes it worse.