I’ve often wondered how I would handle being skilled in the art of magic or having celestial power. I’m sure God knew what he was doing when he made me mortal. He knew I wouldn’t be able to handle all that power and I might just send the Card Fairy out after a few poker playing dolts. Well damn it, they deserve it.

1) J.J. He’s mentioned a few weeks ago because he’s being the brattiest of the brats and meaner than hell lately. I hit a $30-$60 Holdem game and the 3s is walking. Half way through my down, Mr. Wonderful appears. None other than J.J. himself.

J.J loses a hand. The 4s wins the pot and throws me a $1.

J.J. barks, “That’s just what you deserve.”

The 4s throws me another $1.

J.J. growls, “If I win a pot, I’m going to give you fifty cents.”

Swear to God, I just busted out laughing. He thinks he’s killing me by threatening me with a fifty cent tip, I think he’s ridiculous.

A few minutes later, the action is to the 2s and J.J. throws his hand away. I said, “Hold your hand until he acts, please.”

J.J., “He was reaching.”

Me, “Reaching does not constitute action.”

J.J., “Then tell him to hurry up and not make me wait for him.”

Me, “I will not.”

J.J., “You should tell him to play faster.”

Me, “I should do no such thing. Just act in turn.”

Woops! Guess I just cost myself fifty cents. Come on Card Fairy…

2) $4-$8 Holdem, only two familiar faces in a ten handed game.

The 4s (one of the familiar faces) plays occasionally and is never a big hit in terms of being friendly and getting along with everyone. He’s more prone to cause a problem than he is to help solve one.

The 6s had no idea what it was to him or when it was his turn to act and had to ask “how much?” every time the bet came to him but he wanted to play every hand and he did.

The 8s (one of the familiar faces) has been playing for about two months and he plays every night and likes to sing, chortle, joke, chuckle, gee-haw, and in general have a good time while he drinks and plays poker…this doesn’t make him a bad guy, it’s just that everyone always knows when he’s in the game.

The 10s was a youngster, drunk, belligerent and not having a very good time.

The first hand I dealt, the 6s asked, “How much?” when the action came to him.

Immediately the 4s chimed in, “You can raise it!”

The 10s said, “He’s a retard, how can he not know how much it is?”

I asked both the 4s and the 10s to stop. I went to the 6s and got through the first hand with him asking me, every time, what the bet was to him.

We went to hand #2, same story, the 10s kept mumbling the 6s was a retard. I told the 10s that was enough and it was to stop now. The 4s chimed in again, “You can raise.”

Everytime the 4s and the 10s opened their mouth, the 6s was confused and didn’t know what to do.

I went into a semi-fit. “That’s enough! Stop making comments and let me answer his questions.”

The 4s said, “He played all night last night, there’s no way he doesn’t know what the bet is.”

I went almost ballistic. “I don’t care if he’s played the last six months. When he asks me how much the bet is, I’m going to tell him and you are going to stop.”

Now the 10s got really cute. As soon as the bet came to him, he asked, “How much?”

I told him, he asked again, I told him, he asked again. I said, “You will either stop now and play the game or I’m calling the Floor Person.”

He repeated, “How much is it to me?”

Tang was the Front Brush and I yelled, “Tang! Tang! Get Kamell for me.”

Tang called Kamell over the microphone.

I had dealt the hole cards and had the deck in my hand. I sat and waited.

The 8s pointed to the 10s and said, “He’s ok! He’s been drinking. He’s just having fun. You can deal.”

By now I was wishing I was the Card Fairy…splat, flip, boom, pow!

I said, “NO. We’ll wait.”

Kamell arrived. I told him the 4s kept interrupting with a challenge that the 6s seat could raise, each time the 6s asked me how much the bet was to him. And the 10s kept calling the 6s a retard and I’d asked him to stop and he wouldn’t. And now the 10s refused to do anything other than ask how much it was to him and wouldn’t act on his hand.

The 10s immediately apologized. Kamell told them all that they would behave and play cards. (I say slap them with a little mischevious, devious trick on their cards, Card Fairy!)

The 10s immediately began raising in the blind, telling me “…between you and me, I’m raising every time it comes to me.”

I asked him where he was from and he said, “Not trying to be rude but, none of your fucking business.”

I hid my smile and replied, “Ok.”

He dumped off about $100 right away. The cocktail waitress arrived and asked him if he wanted another ‘makers’. He said, “No, I’m just fucking fine, just like the dealers.”

I started laughing. The 8s started laughing because he thought I was being harsh with the 10s and the 8s was trying to get me to ease up.

The 10s kept talking in my ear, something about he was going to stay and play until he lost $3,000 because he felt bad about the money his mom lost and if he could say ‘that’ word he would.

I asked him why he didn’t just stay and win.

He said they were all a bunch of retards.

I asked, “How could you believe that holding up the game and making comments about people would make the game better?”

The 8s jumped in, trying to look like a good guy, problem solver, “He’s alright, he’s just been drinking.”

I barked, “Stay out of this.”

The 10s told me again that they were all a bunch of retards and kept slamming chips at the pot.

I didn’t mind him calling them ‘all’ retards. I minded two players nit picking and laughing at a new player that’s trying to learn the game.

And check this out, one of the last hands I dealt was raised pre-flop. It ended up being three way action with A-K-J-?-Q on the board. Of course a 10 made a straight. The 5s bet, the 6s called, the 1s raised, the 5s raised, the 6s asked if he could raise and he did, the 1s raised, the 5s and the 6s called.

The 5s and the 1s both turned over a 10 with a big kicker. The 6s turned over Q-9 Off-suit. The 6s put in a raise with third pair, no kicker, on the River.

No, I’m not making fun of him. I’m pointing out the fact that these idiots want to make fun of him and possibly embarrass him into leaving, believing that they are all laughing at him.

Get them Card Fairy, paint their cards into something else at the River. Punish them for being ‘the retards’.

I’m trapped in a screen play. It’s the first and last thing running through my head each day, mingled into everything else I’m trying to do. I am excited about it and like the way it’s moving, especially after receiving feed back from some good friends that have given me new insight and different avenues to consider. I’m hoping another week will put me right where I want to be with it and then…well, baby, the sky’s the limit.

*****

I dealt an unfriendly little $600-$1200 mixed game on Table 1. Curtis, Shaun, Oscar, and Eli E. Curtis made quads twice, once in 7 stud, and he wasn’t happy about it because he caught Aces up showing. Although he didn’t make quad Aces, he made quad deuces and got paid off to the River, he still complained.

Then he made quads in High Low Regular, heads up, and had to split the pot and he complained about that too. More than once he made the comment that if “they” (the other players) had been running as bad as he has, they wouldn’t be able to stand it.

Oh well…the rest of the poker world goes through the same shit every day, most of them just don’t cry about it.

*****

The $10-$20 Blind NLH game had a lot of action in it and someone said Chris Moneymaker had been there earlier.

*****

The most fun game of the night was a $2-$4 NLH game. The player in the 3s asked me if I was Linda from Pokerworks. We visited back and forth during my down. His name is Ron and he’s from TX. He is a true fan of this site and was extremely good to me in flattering my writing, the time it takes to post here, throwing money in my pocket, and meeting me.

He got involved in a three way action pot, the other two players were all-in for different amounts. One player held A-A, and for the life of me I can’t remember what the other player had but I believe it was A-Q or A-J. Ron had 8-8. The Flop was Q-8-? with an 8 on the Turn.

He threw me a big tip and blurted out, “See what happens when you’re nice to Linda.”

His whole appearance and mannerisms were top of the line. He loves the Sam G. posts…who doesn’t? He said sometimes he felt really bad for me when he read some of them and other times he couldn’t stop laughing.

Fortunately for the rest of us that live and work in Vegas, Sam must be in CA at a tournament because he’s a “No Call/No Show” on my shift the last week or so.

*****

My site is being moved to another server, that means no posting or changes to anything by me for a few days. Maybe that will give me time to find the escape hatch from the ‘screen play time warp’.

$4-$8 Holdem. A gent that’s been playing in the room for at least six months was in the 10s. He won a pot. While I dealt the next hand, he asked when the third dollar was taken for the rake, was it taken on $50 or $60? I told him $50. He said, “Look!”

I looked at his chip stacks and he had $49 stacked out in front of him. “That’s all that was in the pot.”

I said, “Yes.”

He said, “Well it’s not $50.”

I said, “Add $3.”

He looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

I repeated, “Add $3.”

“Oh…” the light went on “you take it out of a $50 pot.”

I nodded. The game went on. It was a crazy little jammer as all of the $4-$8 Holdem games seem to be anymore. There’s very little learning going on with a lot of them, they just came to play.

Which brings me to another thought on people that haven’t learned much from their table time. He’s good looking, clean and neat, great smile, early 30’s, and a veteran of the $8-$16 Holdem game. He wears heavy duty headphones and is armed with an MP3 Player and stacks of chips. He’s got the Heart of a Lion when he plays and is charming and upbeat when he’s winning. When he has a bad day and is getting drop kicked around the table, the wrath of Godzilla’s Mother-in-law couldn’t compare to Tony’s tongue and explosive anger.

The game had a ton of action…too much for the player that can’t mix it up and shift gears. Of the ten players at the table, I only knew two of them, Tony in the 5s, and an elderly gent in the 1s. For the first fifteen minutes of my down, the chips rolled in and out, people jammed it up, the 3s was d-r-u-n-k and kept slamming chips in with ATC. He went BUST and left the game.

The 9s won a big pot and the next hand the bet went to $24 pre-flop with seven way action. The Flop was a Jack with small cards and one Club. Action, action, action.

The Turn brought the Jack of Clubs. More action.

The River brought a Club and Tony and the 8s checked. The 9s bet. Another player in between called the bet and Tony hesitated and finally called, as did the 8s. Tony mumbled something like, “You didn’t catch runner-runner Club did you?”

Sure enough, the 9s turned over the K-2C. Tony turned over J-9 offsuit or something like that and slapped the table so hard they could’ve heard it on the Strip. He had a fit, went into the ‘NICE runner, runner Club, SIR!”

Then he went on to exclaim that the guy called a capped raise before the Flop with K-2.

I said, “No…it wasn’t capped.”

The Super Rant was on. He just couldn’t shut up about bad players and how he’d gotten beat with A-A earlier by 9-7 Offsuit.

I asked, “What difference does it make, whether it was suited or not?” trying to get past it and stop his poker face from leaking all over the table. Believe me, there weren’t enough bandages in the world to do that.

He just couldn’t let it go. He went on and on about getting beat by bad players. I finally said, “You need to change the way your thinking about this.”

(And I know Tony away from the table so it’s not as if I’m punishing him after he’s taken a beat. There’s another post here about his attitude along the same vein about a year ago.)

Definitely defiant, he exclaimed, “I hate getting beat by a BAD PLAYER.”

I almost laughed, “What? How do you know who’s a bad player?”

He said he didn’t care if he got beat but not by a bad player.

I told him to stop it, there was no need to make statements like that at the table.

He put his hand out, across the table, in the direction of the 1s and said, “I’m sorry you’re a bad player, Sir.”

I wanted to slap him. He made himself look so bad.

The 5s and I were both laughing because we were trying to figure out how you know someone’s a bad player.

Should all players be forced to take a quiz and if they fail, they have to wear a stamp on their forehead that reads: Bad Player?

Better yet, what should the players that want to tell people they’re a bad player have to wear on their foreheads? Tony?

What if you could have anything you wanted. What would you choose? After having received anything you wanted, what would be your next wish? Gotcha! You’re now trapped in the realm of the lost.

You’re struggling with a reply; you’re on the defense. There’s no time clock to battle, no financial stress, you have everything you want in terms of family/friends or lack of, food, sex, great body, money, health, intelligence, the universe, and it’s evil…you hate it now that you have it.

OPEN…poker! The great equalizer. The medium that doesn’t follow the core of complexities that society needs to evolve around everyday.

While you’re contemplating that I might as well fill in a few events from my days at work.

I dealt a crazy little four handed game of $300-$600 Mixed Games. One of the games was Deuce to Seven Triple Draw. Half way through my down, they decided that if you called a raise, you could draw six cards (that would be if you threw away all five on the first draw only) and if you were in the Big Blind, you could throw away all five and draw six. I wasn’t sure I got all of it but just did as they told me. Of course, when you drew for the next round, you would discard and draw one less than you discarded.

At one point, when Ali was in the blind, he threw away all five and told me to give him six.

I was the dumb butt here…I said, “I thought when you….”

Ali informed me, “You do not think. We tell you what to do.”

That’s why I truly HATE poker. I do think. So go screw yourself if you think I don’t. I try to make sure I never make a mistake and that I protect all players in the game and know what’s going on.

Well, anyway, the rest of the down was painless. They gambled, laughed and giggled, I dealt.

*****

I had to do a repeat run through three games. They were all low limit. $4-$8 Holdem and no one at the table knew what was going on. Every card was, “How much is to me?” – “What can I bet?” The games were slower than hell and these people did not tip.

Wondering if I’m in it for the money? Yes!

*****

Tonight found me having a major altercation with J.J. in a $30-$60 Holdem game. He’s mentioned in a post last week. He moved a seat to his left (the 4s) and immediately the 7s opened and he wanted it. He stated, “Deal me in.”

I told him that if he took a hand and then moved again, he would be expected to post the Blind. He had a fit. He implied that I was a trouble maker and full of ‘noise’. He stormed, “Deal me out. I want the seven seat because it is my favorite seat…blah, blah, blah….”

The 1s was D-R-U-N-K and obnoxious and I had a slight problem with him when he folded a hand but left it lay 1/2 inch from his fingers. When I asked him if he was done with the hand, I got a lecture on how he folded. Wonderful. Since I only deal to a zillion different people a year, I’m sure I’m going to know how this guys folds.

The game was a mess when I sat down. It didn’t get any better.

J.J. went out to smoke. When he came back he continued. I told him he didn’t even listen to what I said. He said I told him he couldn’t take a hand in the 4s. I told him that was not true and he was always upset, no matter what happened. He told me that the only thing that upset him was people like me. The whole table laughed.

I give up. I’m done trying to pass the STRESS TEST with J.J. He can figure it out and adjust or he’s on my ‘non-human’ list. I’ve dealt to him for a lot of years and I get sick of the attitude that he represents.

The Poker World is full of new faces and new ideas. If you can’t adjust, get ready to be unhappy.

Tango has been sitting on the sidelines instead of dancing every dance. The culprit? The Screenplay. My brain is intrinsically merged to the fibers in the story line of the screenplay. It’s finished. Ahhhh but that means it’s rewrite time and that’s where I’m at. I’ve received great input from a few friends and I’m ready to carve out a masterpiece but a break is needed and it’s time to Tango.

Precious came into the 6s of a $30-$60 Holdem game I was dealing on Thursday night. He was already seated in a chair and Andy, one of our Chip Runners, was pushing the chair in front of him (as if it had wheels) and pushed Precious up to the table. It’s hard to tell where Andy started with the chair but Precious kept a continually running, demanding string of orders so Andy would know what to do…like don’t breathe unless Precious says you can. “Stop here!” “Now wait a minute.” “Help me take my jacket off….let it drop straight down. I have arthritis in my shoulders.”

Andy had a smile and the patience of God; he did exactly as Precious asked him to do and Precious just kept barking at him. Andy finally got Precious settled and went to get chips for him.

Precious was between the Button and the Small Blind and I asked if he wanted to be dealt in. As if I were sock lint between the toes he hasn’t seen in a few years, he barked, “I’ll let you know when!”

He got his chips, not sure if he even told Andy thank you, and the Button passed him. He had his chips arranged and I knew if I dealt him out, he’d have a cow and a steer so I looked at the 7s and mouthed, “Ask him if he wants to post.”

The 7s complied and sure enough, Precious posted. I just didn’t want to have him bark at me again.

Precious informed me that he was 87 and couldn’t see and couldn’t hear and just loved to play poker, in between little barbs and jabs at everything else. He kept giving me a goofy toothless smile and I smiled back at him each time.

A note on Precious: I’ve dealt to him for over 16 years. It’s a bitch. He’s always got a sarcastic reply and a complaint about everything and no one else can say anything because the Great Precious interrupts them and tries to make them feel like they left home without packing any brainfood.

He slows down the whole game…on purpose. He’s a showboater and wants everyone to know he’s there and part of the action.

Unfortunately he has gotten OLD! He keeps his teeth in his pocket most of the time. He has selective hearing. He can’t see so a dealer either has to push the Board cards directly in front of him or read them to him. He’s pretty much a stiff and likes to give a jab and stab at how bad the dealer is whenever he loses a hand.

He can’t get in and out of a chair so someone (I even did it one time) has to grab the back of his pants and lift him up or balance him on the way down and, believe it or not, he still thinks he’s a F-O-X!

Nope, this isn’t meant to be negative. He’s at a spot in his life that all of us will reach if we live long enough. It’s just damn painful to be around him.

He bit my head off a few times and then when something came up, he asked me what happened. I replied, “At the risk of getting my head bit off for the 100th time in the last 14 years…”

He interrupted me of course.

A few minutes later he tried to be charming and asked, “So I’ve been a little hard on you before, huh?”

I just smiled. He smiled back. The rest of the table played poker, Precious wanted to play THE GAME.

I escaped. I didn’t get far because all the people that I write about are like a revolving door. There’s always an encounter with them that seems to be trapped in a time warp…repeat…blip…repeat…blip…

Marty C., Israeli Mike, Cuckoo, George P., Sam G., it just happens over and over again.

I’d better sit out this next dance and get on that screenplay or I could be stuck in the time warp the rest of my life…ouch!

To view hyperlinks, you must click on the title ‘My Favorite Places for Chip and Collectibles’. In order to return to the ‘categories menu’ please click on ‘Table Tango’ in the header.

Some of my favorite places to check out chips and collectibles for poker related items.

Poker Pete

The poker explosion is running right off the scale of reality. A whole new crop of players that need to be trimmed and pruned…no, not of their cash…into the etiquette of poker. It won’t be easy. Look at all of the people that have played for years and still can’t figure out that proper behavior and game protocol even apply to poker, let alone know what it means.

I accept the fact that the job of teaching new players how to interact with the mechanics of the game is never ending. It’s taken me a long to figure out that it’s always going to be like the rent/mortgage; it keeps popping up and someone has to deal with it. No pun intended.

I find a lot of really helpful players that gently lead a new player into the betting, the blinds, how/when to act, without giving poker lessons. I love these people. They make my job so much easier.

I also find a lot of people that openly criticize a new player and teach them bad habits. Sure, you knew this was going somewhere…

1) $80-$160 Holdem and Omaha 8 or Better, the Time Drop is taken after the Flop. The Blinds cannot chop until the Time Drop has been satisfied. Some of the locals blatantly give the $40 small blind back when there are no calls/raises pre-flop. I’ve had nothing short of a fit when it’s happened, and it has, the last two days of work.

In one instance the Big Blind winked at me as he threw the $40 back to the small blind player. I guess I was supposed to think the whole thing was cute and just ignore it. I did not. I asked him what he thought was supposed to happen when another player saw him do it and expected me to ignore it too. He agreed that I was right but I’d bet my weeks tips that he still does it every time he thinks he can get away with it.

The second instance is that now these same locals are teaching the new players to do the same thing on a Time Pot. More fits by me. I have explained that if they continue to do this, each player will pay time individually just like the $30-$60 Limit Holdem and $10-$20 Blind No Limit Holdem games.

No chopping on a time pot means no chopping. Figure it out! I wish it would go to individual time, it would make the game much better.

2) I dealt the Friday’s $1,000 Buy-in No Limit Tournament. T.J. was instructing everyone at the table how to be a World Class Whiner. People learn these things from listening to the pros! In the big blind, he raised all-in and got called by the small blind that had less $$ than T.J. The small blind won the pot with J-8S vs. T.J.’s A-little offsuit, by making a pair of Jacks.

T.J. berated him, “How could you even call with Jack high? You didn’t have anything at risk…blah, blah, blah…”

Then T.J. called an additional $100 from the small blind with something like 8-4 offsuit. The big blind checked it out with T.J. and made a pair of threes on the River with 7-3 offsuit. T.J. went ballistic, “That’s the third time I’ve started with the best hand and lost…”

Ok…hold my sides while I die laughing here…what is it with the whine and the lessons?

This same table had a woman in the 3s that was so drunk, she literally couldn’t stand without bobbing and weaving but she seemed to know how to play poker. She yelled at me to yell at her when there was a raise because she couldn’t hear me. Christ! I thought I was already SCREAMING the first five minutes into the down. Maybe I was the only one that could hear my screams.

The 1 and 2s shared a little smile and secret laugh with me…they saw the overview.

3) One night, while dealing $80-$160 Omaha 8 or Better with a 1/4 Kill, Kenny was in the 9s. He’s been around Vegas a million years and knows a lot of the history of the players and ‘old days’. I like his attitude. He’s not a steamer and never gets out of line with anyone…maybe with his play now and then but that’s between him and him.

The subject of Dealer Abuse and a few other things came up where he kept pulling me into the conversation. Stu Ungar’s name popped up. I commented that Stu always liked to throw the cards into the Dealer’s chest and run out of the room when he took a beat.

Kenny said he could never figure out how anyone thought Stu was a great player when he couldn’t control his emotions if he lost.

I followed with an exaggerated, “He stuck a knife in the dealer’s chest when he lost the hand…but he’s a great player!”

We both laughed over that idiotic mentality. How the hell can you be a great player when you’re incapable of taking a beat? Everyone takes a beat. It’s going to happen. My thought is just knuckle down and play through it. The sooner you put it out of your mind, the better your game is going to be.

Don’t agree with me? Oh well…I never agreed with Stu Ungar’s fan club either.

It’s a never ending stream of people flowing through the door. The heads bob up and down like waves on the ocean. The microphones and occasional burst of excitement or anger rip through the barricade of conversation and chip clatter that create an eternal roar resembling a building coming down around your head. The body heat and emotion is overwhelming. Where the hell is my medication????

*****

I dealt the $30,000-$60,000 game to Andy and Todd on Wed. nite. Easiest game in the house to deal, no rake, no time, just sign in like a tournament, sit down and deal…three chips for the small blind, two chips for the big blind.

No, I don’t know who was winning. I do know the Blinds would pay off everything I owe in life (except my house) and I’d have fun money left over. 🙂

I’m happy to be part of this experience, to witness it, deal it, approach Andy and Craig, and have them greet me with a warm smile and hello…it’s history. Just like dealing the WPT/Ultimate Bet Aruba event. I have something to share with my friends and family that most people will only hear about or watch on television.

*****

James Woods was in the room last night playing the $2-$4 Blind, No Limit Holdem game. I visited with him for a brief second…actually I jumped right into a conversation with him about poker screenplays and writing. He may send me an email…hope, hope, wish!

*****

One night last week, while dealing a $100-$300 Blind Pot Limit Omaha game, I made a HUGE mistake. I thought I would get my head ripped off by the players (verbally) but believe it or not, the coolest and calmest of the five players were Johnny Chan and Sammy Farha…

I allowed my concentration to lapse for that half a second that it takes to make a mistake. The wrong Game Plaque was on the table for the Blind Structure. The dealer before me should have called the floor and had it changed but…that would be too damn easy.

While dealing the hand, I looked over my shoulder to ask another passing dealer to notify the floor that the blind structure was wrong on the card. In doing so, I only dealt Klinger, the Small Blind, three hole cards and everyone else four.

Don’t worry, it went just like the nightmare that it’s supposed to be. Johnny raised, the 8s folded, and Klinger discovered that he had three cards. I apologized and called for a decision.

Tim (fairly new to the Floor position) came over, stumbled around with the fact that he thought it was a dead hand but couldn’t quite come out with a definite statement, finally said he’d better check and went to ask the Supervisor.

Between Sam and Johnny, the conversation went back and forth with the fact that they knew it was going to be declared a dead hand…only option open for Klinger was that the House might give him back the $100.

Klinger started to make a comment about the dealer making a mistake and Johnny jumped right in and told Klinger that it was up to the player to protect their own hand and he should’ve said something right away.

Sammy told Klinger that “IT” had already happened and there was nothing that could be done about it now.

WOW! I almost fell off of my chair.

The players opted to give Klinger back his $100 and the hand went on.

I’m still a little bit in shock over that whole experience. I know I made the mistake and should have concentrated totally on the game. The shock factor comes in when NOT ONE OF THEM pounded me with the fact that I needed to pay attention and they reasoned it out as to what would happen and then proceeded in a civilized manner.

There really is a Poker God and She was looking out for me!