You’ve been playing $8-$16 limit holdem for about 3 weeks. Nothing works. You look at 9-3, 7-2, Q-6, 9-4, 6-2, then repeat, repeat, repeat. If you happen to pick up a playable hand once every 2 to 3 hours, everyone else does too and a chip war breaks out, but you never get any reinforcements for your chip stacks unless you buy them because you certainly can’t win a hand.

Please don’t get into the old ‘everyone goes through that’ routine. So what…it’s happening to you right now and you’re insanity with bad cards is starting to overload your sense of reality and you’re beginning to believe that this is normal. You’d babble but no one would listen.

You’re in the 2 seat. The action bursts into a geyser of molten lava accentuated by waves of after shock. Never slowing down, the lava rises with each frenzied betting round, catching each player in its tantalizing climb.

You are the exception…you sit alone, isolated because you can’t find a playable hand. All those chips flying around the table and you’re stuck. You know that all it would take is 1 or 2 of those pots and you’d be winner. The thought keeps you glued to your seat and paying attention.

The 1 seat opens. A well dressed, attractive woman sits down with a $500 buy-in. She wants to smoke and is told that she’s in a non-smoking seat. She replies, “Oh well, I’m just waiting for $15-$30 anyway. I won’t be here long.”

She jumps right into the action and puts in a few raises, the chips are flying and the game hasn’t lost an ounce of action. She wins a pot, loses a pot, then starts to talk about playing in L.A. She’s never quiet and makes sure everyone at the table hears her opinion. She finally gets a cocktail and promptly spills her drink all over the table.

You jump up and grab towels and help wipe up the spill and her chips…after all…you can’t play a hand so you might as well do something.

By now the Dealer Button is in the 6 seat. You look down to the 6-7 of Clubs. the 9 and 10 seat fold and our Little Darling in the 1 seat raises it. It’s $16 to you and with only the 2 blinds and Little Darling in the hand, (plus the fact that you haven’t won a pot in a week), you pitch.

The action goes crazy…the 3, 4, 5, call and the 6 seat re-raises. Both blinds call and Little Darling re-raises. The bet gets capped with 7 way action…$280 in the pot pre-flop.

Here’s the sick part…the flop is a Jack and the 5-8 of Clubs. Yes, it’s an open ended, straight flush draw for you and the betting goes absolutely crazy on the flop also. The pot just keeps growing so you can watch the 9 of Clubs peel off the deck on the turn. A Queen comes on the River and one of the blinds wins the pot with a Queen something off suit. There were still 4 players on the River.

You’re in after shock and mumble that you threw away a Straight Flush by not playing the hand and it was your “get even and winner” hand.

Little Darling starts to tell you that you’re a stone cold idiot for not playing the hand and you begin trying to explain that it’s a bad call when she raises and only the 2 blinds are in the pot with her. She’s determined that you’re wrong and that there’s enough action to merit playing the hand. She even wants to bet you that the pot makes it worth it. Finally she realizes the position of the button and players in the hand when she raised it and gives into reason.

Now you’re kicking yourself for even opening your mouth and telling anyone what you threw away…it was more exasperation than anything else.

Now Little Darling gets called for her $15-$30 seat and while she’s putting her chips in a rack, asks you if you’ve ever heard of Turbo Texas Holdem and do you have a computer?

You reply, “Yes.”

As she’s leaving the table, she informs you that you really need to buy the program and run it so you can LEARN how to play holdem.

Damn! She could be right.

See you there!