Poker 101

I walked into the poker room, checked out the games in the limit I wanted to play, and found the perfect home in a game with a Live One – here after known as L.O.

The dealer calls for player’s checks and I make myself comfortable while waiting for my chips and the blind. I survey the players and most of them are dead. They are barely aware that anyone is live at the table. Hell, maybe they aren’t even breathing. It looks like I’m in the perfect spot, sitting with the L.O. two seats on my right. At least when he gets the urge to raise, if I have anything, I can re-raise and get it down to him and me.

I take my first hand, 9-7 suited in the big blind. Everyone folds and the L.O. jacks it right up. The button and small blind fold and I call. I flop a gut shot, straight flush draw and check. The L.O. bets and I call. I pair 9’s on the turn – check – the L.O. slams in a bet. I make trip 9’s on the river but that card also puts up a back door flush. This guy is really live so it’s possible that he could’ve back doored something. I check. He bets. I call and win the pot.

The L.O. grumbles something about “not betting your hand” and the guy next to me, (shortened to TGNTM), begins his speech. “I would’ve never called with that hand.”

Politely, quietly, I answer, “It pays to notice who wants to give away their chips when you sit down in a poker game.”

The action proceeds and I end up in a few hands with the L.O. – each time he notices I’ve called, he looks directly at me and says, “I don’t like you.”

Well hell, I’m female and he’s a guy that’s losing at poker and has had too much to drink – ease up, guys, get your finger nails out of the table felt and curb that desire to slam me with, “Stuff it!” or “Take a hike, bitch.” I’ve seen this act too many times and I know just how to cruise past the bumpy part.

I look the L.O. directly in the eye and with a sweet smile on my face say, “How can you not like me? You don’t even know me. What’s your name?”

He can’t get past the eyes and smile – gives me his name and me – being the wonderful player, smart person that I am – I get up, walk over to his seat, extend my hand, and he takes it. I give him my name and bend over to give him a peck on the cheek. He accepts.

I love the game! God, how I love people and the instant reaction to love and touching, feeling, tasting emotion – poker has it all. The L.O. instantly tells the dealer that he wants a seat on my end of the table as soon as one opens. I never prostitute poker. I truly love that emotion, that touch with a being that you’ve never seen before and may never see again – but at this moment in time – you are together, focusing on the same thing.

The game has come to life!

There are two other females in the game. One of them is a player – player. She knows what she’s doing and how to do it. The other one is gorgeous – but she’s in the beginning of the ‘learning and experience stage’ of poker. Just for the record these ‘learning and experience stages’ are a progression but graduation day never comes.

The L.O. raises and both of the other females call. The board comes something like J-6-7, all off suit. The L.O. bets and both of them call. The turn comes a 9. L.O. opens his hand to show AA and checks. Both females check. The river is a 10. The L.O. checks, the gorgeous one bets, the other one folds and the L.O. calls only to be shown a straight.

Ahhh! Another act of mercy and gallantry shown by a man to be snipped off by a woman. Personally, I would’ve checked with this man at that point, but what the hell do I know. He was wonderful. He never squeaked or made a comment to her as she stacked his chips.

A few hands later, the L.O. raised, I looked down to AK off suit and popped it right up (I end up with the button with this move). Everyone’s gambling. Five other people call. The flop comes down 7-3-2 off suit. Everyone checks to me and I bet. They all call. The turn comes a Q.

Everyone checks and so do I. Hell, only a fool would bet here as they all have that manical ‘I’m calling every bet’ look in their eye. The last card is a 2 and one of the players in front of me bet. I fold and someone calls behind me to be shown a pair of pocket 8’s which wins the pot.

TGNTM says, “A-K?”

I reply, “Yes.”

He begins to rant about how he would never raise with that hand, never does in this kind of game, and knows better than to put money in the pot on that hand. At this point I really looked at him. Perhaps he’s not real. He could be a hologram or an escapee from Area 51. He could truly be an idiot that’s never heard of isolating the dummy.

A seat opens next to TGNTM and a new player comes in. The L.O. is still jamming and TGNTM looks at the new player and says behind his hand, “He does that all the time. Most of the time he doesn’t have anything.”

I vote for a public lynching here. Hang this guy’s body at the front of the card room with a sign that reads “He just couldn’t figure out what time poker lessons were!”

See you there.