Some THINGS are just ordinary type of things that we all go through all the time like breathing is repetitive…damn good thing. Then there are THINGS.  I happened to get one in the mail the other day.  It was a plain envelope with a postmark and stamp from Canada, sealed from edge to edge with no little gaps in the flap at either end.  I often think about these type of things…because that’s the way I am.  After I opened the envelope (hours later), I wonder at the person that sealed this envelope.  Did they ‘work from home’ mailing envelopes out?  Did they put a wish hex on the envelope that I would do as the contents would expect me to do because they are the evil perpetrators? Did they lick the damned envelope?  If they did, I hope they cut their tongue on the flap. The contents of the envelope?  The first thing that hit me right in the eye and jolted down to my toenails was a check, made out to me with no strings attached…no “deposit this and we own your left lung” or “cash and pay 30% interest the rest of your life” no nothing.  Just a simple check made out to me – with my name spelled correctly – which is truly bizarre – and my address on it, in the amount of $2,650.00.  SWEET!

Not really.  It came with a letter informing me that I had been chosen to be a secret shopper – even congratulated me.  It ran through a nice little intro and explained what the funds were for and how they were to be spent with a receipt needed – and I would have to call a # to activate everything if I deposited the check first it might have a stop payment put on it.  Let me just give that # right now in case any of you want to jump on the bandwagon.  1-647-995-5532.

I read through it and tossed it over on the counter for a day.  I had no intention of being a secret shopper and I always feel ‘super’ scam is waiting at everycorner.  Oh, and did I mention I would have to take an evaluation and training course after I called the #?  I was to be paid $300 for my time for that.  Yuppers…supposedly two hours of training and I benefit $300, not to mention my fuel expense, efforts, and follow up on evaluations, all of this for something I never solicited to do or even mentioned to anyone I was looking for an extra job.  How do these people find me?

My sis called last night as she was wheeling across the highways and byways of the US and we did our usual chat it up about anything and everything from the pampas grass we had planted a few months ago, that was now blooming outside her office window, to the damn rabbits eating her cacti garden succulent, etc.  I grabbed the envelope and started telling her about it.  Told her I had no intention of doing it anyway but I kind of wanted to call them to see what their gig was.  We both talked scam.

She told me she had some friends that had done the Secret Shopper and had a great time with it and that she had a friend pay her drinks and time to sit at a bar one time and watch a bartender because the owner thought the bartender was stealing.

We kept gabbing.  Then I started reading her the list of what I was supposed to do with the $.  I mentioned Western Union.  A light went off with her.  She immediately said that she was sure they would have me wire most of it to someone and then the check wouldn’t clear my account and I’d be stuck.  Right…if I was going to even do it.

Good call on her part since $2k of it was for a western union purchase and the rest of it was cheesy, like $100 at Walmart and $100 at Sears.  Hopefully I would buy something I really liked for myself so I wouldn’t feel I got fucked without being kissed…oh…yes, you can get fucked, and you can get kissed and then fucked, and then you can get fucked and then kissed…I know.

I heartily congratulated her on her quick read and decided I would try to call them and let her know what happened.  I did call the #.  I got a voice message that said the mailbox was full.  I sent a fax to the # on the letter.  I didn’t receive one back but I didn’t expect to.  I went online and found the bank the check is drawn on – the branch – and sent a query to them as to the company name and the account #…not that I expect to hear back from the bank, I don’t, but it was a legitimate bank…I think…how do you know anymore?

Then I searched up ‘secret shopper scams’ on google and found one identical to this, stating that a check is sent to you, you do all the legwork and wire the money to someone in Canada and then the check fails to clear your account, blah, blah, blah.

The funny part of it is that I don’t know of a bank around Nevada that will take a check that size and not put a hold on it for at least 10 business days, so that would rule out spending the funds before it cleared…at least for me anyway.

Here’s all their info: Kress Financial Group Services Inc. 520 Madison Avenue, New York NY 10022, (pretty nifty, a New York address mailed out of Canada).  The bank is Associated Bank, Green Bay WI 54307-9097 and the wonderful fucktard that signed the letter: Rhonda W. Cocraill

The part I hate is that now I have to go through the legwork of making sure the Postal Service Receives this little bit of fraud and I will look up the FBI website and see if I can report it there.  I’m not irritated about not being able to do it…never wanted to anyway…I’m irritated that some fat ass in Canada is trying to scam grannies and other people.  I sure hope their tongue is bleeding from all of the paper cuts and their mouth tastes like shit from licking the envelopes.  They’re probably laughing all the way to the bank.