isn’t found. That’s me. I’m lost in a wasteland of time and energy, people created stress, the chaos that is left after people are done screwing up their lives and those they are supposed to care about, and trying to survive myself. Whoop-t-fucking-doo-dah!

I was married numerous times, had 3 sons from 3 different husbands – widowed once, divorced the rest – and I’ll take the full blame for the whole damned thing because the pissing contest of ‘you did this!’ – ‘oh yeah? well you did that’ just doesn’t mean crap to me anymore. I went through all the emotional gauntlet of hurt feelings, guilt trips, life’s drama, $ stress, family dying, kids to raise, different jobs, and a whole boatload of shit that goes with growing up and growing OLDER (I don’t want to get into old – it’s on my nerves).

Here’s the deal, I don’t want to go through other’s emotional gauntlet yet I have a front row seat and I hate every second of it. They can’t leave you out of it, they want to scream/yell/vent and no matter how many times you tell them you aren’t interested in a repeat, it still surfaces. Is that part of being friends and family? You have to have it all because they need to release it?

It is what it is.

I’ve had my kickin’ buddy Riot for four days now. Yes, he did want to go to Grandmom’s house…phew! His home life is under major stress fracture right now and it makes for double ugly. I don’t want to write about it, it would fill an HBO miniseries. Not only that, it’s not my life or under my control, I just get the acid foam that boils over the edge of a kettle that has no bottom and is never taken off a burner kept on high.

Here’s the thing, I know that kids manage to survive no matter what their parents do. I know that life seems to work out, if you live long enough. I know that a pleasant smile, a warm hug, and an I love you seems to ease that grim look – if it’s applied daily throughout the day. I know I made mistakes raising my boys. And I know that raising a child now – at my age – is so much more relaxed than it was when I was raising mine – at that age.

But I don’t know the answer. I don’t even know the question. I just don’t understand why there is so much anger and resentment harbored between people that once professed to love each other.

Perhaps all of the above is the real reason God created rainbows…

After two days of rain a few weeks ago, this beauty arched clear across the sky, from the horizon on both ends – and a double right behind coming off the horizon.

This part of it was only visible for a few minutes.  WOW!

Little girl lost feels better after seeing a rainbow.