Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I’ve often wondered what people really consider to be a true friend. My experience with the majority of mankind has led me to believe that the definition of friend, not as defined by Webster’s Dictionary but their own definition, is someone that:

1. Never wants to hear the truth from you and they expect you to fib a tad if that’s what it takes to make them happy.

2. If you make a statement about them, even if it’s a simple truth, you have to preface it with, ‘I really like you and you really are a wonderful person’, or the statement just can’t be made because they’d think you were mad at them.

3. When they have something to say, they get the floor for as long as it takes and the subject can be hashed and rehashed for days, weeks, even years, and you are supposed to take it in the vein it’s meant in. If you have something to say…umhhhh!

4. You can’t have an opinion unless it agrees with theirs, there’s no possibility of having your own point of view or even being able to discuss it.

5. They can rib you, ride you, josh you ’til the words and gestures are ragged and filled with holes and you are supposed to think it’s funny each time they do it.

6. If they need something, they call you. If you need something just find the answer yourself.

My definition of a friend doesn’t agree with any of the above. I have met a lot of people in my years at the table and in other walks of life. Very few have become my very dear, true friends. True friends are people that get ‘into life’ and accept me as I am and I accept them…sort of like a marriage, for better or for worse, respecting each other’s choices and opinions, and still liking each other through thick and thin and no matter how many years or miles separate us. The best part of it is that I met most of them at a poker table, while I was playing or dealing.

Poker separates a lot of things, other than people and their money. In poker you always know where you stand, because the rules are defined; in friendships, you have to try them on, see how they fit and wear, and eventually you learn that some sizes, materials, and styles just aren’t worth trying to put the first stitch into so you walk away…a casual ‘hello’ will take care of everything you have to say and all the involvement you want.

Poker breaks down the fine line between part time and true friends…it’s easier to take a check/raise from a true friend than it is from a part timer. 🙂