I met a friend that lives in Belgium and visits Las Vegas occasionally, Frederic, for a drink and we decided to visit the Orleans Poker Room…hey, that’s what poker players do. We both got seats in different games and eventually a seat opened next to me on my left. Frederic joined my table.

Our game was noisy and just a little bit out of control because the gent on my right was boisterous, rowdy, drinking, and having one hell of a good time. He ordered White Zinfandel in one glass, ice in another glass, coke in another glass, and then one empty glass. I wondered if there would be room for me to sit at the table along with his chips, my chips, and his small concoction of beverages and glasses.

Between talking, laughing, betting, stacking chips, and entertaining us, he poured the coke back and forth between the empty glasses to remove the fizz, then poured the White Zin into the glass of ice and poured the coke in with it. His explanation was that the White Zin was so terrible it needed to be mixed with something sweet but he couldn’t stand the fizz because it upset his stomach.

He told us about his love life and dating – along with a lot of other things – said the best sex he’d ever had was with a woman (he is 67) that’s 74. He said the reason it was so good was because she may have thought that each time was her last so she wanted to get all she could. 🙂

Anyway, a young guy joined our game and sat next to the Entertainer. Young Guy was friendly and joined in the conversation a few times and sat a very long time without ever playing a hand. Frederic was stuck and hadn’t played a lot of hands either.

Somehow, while listening to the Entertainer, the action took off between Frederic, (he was first in the action), Young Guy, and the Entertainer. It was raised pre-flop and re-raised.

The board was K-Q-5. Frederic flopped a set of 5’s. There was still raising and re-raising. The turn was a blank for all hands and the river was a 10…Frederic had taken over the betting on the Turn and bet out on the River…he got raised by Young Guy. The Entertainer folded.

While laying his cards face up on the table, Frederic reluctantly called the raise and asked, “Straight?”

Young Guy nodded and then, (from my point of view – I never saw his cards exposed), threw his hand face down, right into the muck.

I nudged Frederic’s arm out of happiness that he’d won the pot with a set. The dealer pushed the pot to Frederic and Young Guy went totally ballistic. Swearing, noisy, and exclaiming that he had the straight. Everyone knew from the way he acted that he did have it, he even looked at Frederic and pleadingly asked, “You believe me don’t you, sir!”

Well, it appears that Young Guy gave the cards a momentary flash towards Frederic and then pitched them…he obviously had played poker before…so what was he thinking?

We all know the cards must be laid face up on the table to claim the pot, so let this be a lesson to all of us. Well hell, if you’re running a game in your house, you can make up your own rules but just in case you’re playing in a casino, turn them up if you want the pot.

An hour later I left the table with more than I started with and the Entertainer asking me to join him and a couple for dinner the following night. Ain’t poker great?

The odd of the odd…sure history repeats itself. Approximately seven years ago at the Mirage, I tapped a dealer out of a $10-$20 limit holdem game…the player in the small blind was just winning a pot with a pair of Aces. I sat down, the button moved.

Now the conversation is, “Wow! You had A-A in the small blind and big blind and won both pots.”

The same player now has the button, different dealer, (me), and is once again dealt – you guessed it – A-A. He wins the pot. He picked up pocket Aces, small blind-big blind-button, with two different dealers and won all three hands. Odds on this? Hey, go figure!

A week ago, $8-$16 holdem, I dealt the player in the 1 seat, pocket Aces three hands in a row. The first pair of Aces wasn’t shown, he mucked it on the turn when a four card straight came. He won the next two hands and showed them down – made four of a kind on the 2nd hand. Now you might be wondering if he was telling the truth about the 1st hand…I’ve known this player a long time and would definitely say “YES!”

Incidentally, a player at the table asked for a deck change after the 1st pair of Aces was shown, (this would be the 2nd hand with A-A), new deck and still the player received A-A in the pocket with a new deck).

On the 4th hand dealt, his first card was an Ace. It was unplayable, but out of the board and his hole cards, he had 9 Aces at play in 4 hands. Hard to top this one.

Although this isn’t a ‘topper’ to the Aces story…it’s an addendum…a few days later while dealing to the guy (Bill Looper) that had nine Aces in four hands, (he brought up the conversation), a player in the game over heard the story and added her ‘nightmare’. She was dealt A-A in the big blind, small blind, and on the button. She lost all three of those hands.

Thank the Card Fairy, the Poker God, and all reigning Deities in the realm of gambling that I didn’t deal that little trio of uglies.

Going into an $8-$16 limit holdem, the dealer informed me that the 7 seat was ‘tipsy’ and exposing his hole cards to the players on each side of him…the other players had already complained.

First the 7 seat was very jovial and fun with me. Wanted to know if he could blind raise it out of the small blind…I told him, “Absolutely!” He did.

A couple of times (at the beginning of a hand), I jokingly said, “Don’t let anyone else see your cards.” All was well and good.

About five hands later, he picked his cards up, leaned back in his chair, showed them to the ‘sweater’ behind the player next to him and sort of did a fan wave with them so three other players could see his cards.

The player on my left started with a “there he goes again” thing and I looked at ‘tipsy’ and said, “Sir.”

He ignored me.

I tried again, “Sir.”

Still he ignored me so I leaned over the table, extending my hand to him, face down on the table, (not pointing), and said loudly, “SIR!”

He finally looked at me, I said, “Honey, you can’t show your cards to the people on your end of the table.”

His face changed. The easy going, I’m the center of attention, happy faced player instantly went to snarling ugly and he yelled at me, “YOU’RE RUDE! I DON’T LIKE YOU!”

I said, “Be that as it may, you still can’t keep showing your cards.”

He yelled at me again, “YOU’RE RUDE!”

I said, “Sir, I am anything but rude and please stop showing your cards.”

He said, “You can’t talk to me like that and I don’t care what they (meaning the other players) want!”

I called the floor man while ‘tipsy’ began throwing his chips into racks and continued, “Steve Wynn is a personal friend of mine and I’m going to call him and have you’re ass fired!”

Just as the floor man arrived, I said, “Call him!”

The floor man settled everything – telling ‘tipsy’ it was time to go. ‘Tipsy’ calmed right down before he got to the shift supervisor and was almost apologetic.

The whole table laughed…we all wondered if ‘tipsy’ and Steve were such good friends, why Steve forgot to tell ‘tipsy’ that he was no longer involved with MGM/Mirage Properties?

Can you believe it? Mike D. AKA Israeli Mike, has thrown cards at every dealer in the house…not just Bellagio, the Mirage included. He’s been bounced for a 24 hour period from time to time but always comes right back.

He was told to leave for the night for throwing cards…not because he threw them at a dealer – for throwing them at another player.

Clapping – laughter – guffaws! A player’s chest is taboo but a dealer’s must have the red bulls-eye painted on it.

Sat down to deal a $30-$60 Stud game…it was short handed. Norman, in the 4 seat, a player I’ve dealt to for years, said, “Turkey day tomorrow!”

I asked, “Are you cooking?”

Reply, “I’m not even carving. I’m a vegetarian. I stay home and meditate to “feel” the turkey. It’s a day of murder!”

Well, there you have it folks. Enjoy that bird.

I slept thru the day, showered and went to work…I didn’t cook or carve either. Happy Thanksgiving.

Dealt a $300-600 mixed game. The game was full – eight players. One player in particular stayed in my thoughts after I left the table. Sam Grizzle. He won a pot in 7 Stud 8 or Better that was huge and he was the underdog, with three way action and max raises all the way to the River. Of course he gloated and bragged about being the best player while he stacked chips for five minutes.

I’ve dealt to him for at least 10 years off and on. He comes and goes, always brags about how good he plays and how everyone’s afraid to play him ‘heads up’ but he’s always broke and always looking for someone to stake him. Strange that he’s always broke? No, what’s really strange is that he always talks someone into staking him in a high limit game. Twisted!

The reason he stayed in my thoughts? He’s the only player that I ever knowingly allowed to put more chips in the pot than he was supposed to and I never corrected him.

Oh come on…you may think that tarnishes me as a professional but you would have to have been there to appreciate the whole effect. He verbally berates and abuses everyone except the person he’s shining up to for a stake in a game. He was unbearably offensive until he was 86’d from the Mirage about four years ago and wasn’t allowed to play on Mirage Resort Properties for two years.

Now? Noisy, irritating, mildly amusing in a sick way, and still looking for someone to stake him…but back to the meat of the story.

Approximately five years ago, I sat down to deal $200 – 400 Holdem and $300 – 600 Stud, the game changed every eight hands and it was ‘heads up’. One of the players was, of course, the subject of this writing.

As soon as my tush hit the chair, Sam started in with, “Bet you can’t deal this down without saying a word. Bet you can’t just shut up and deal. Dealers always think they have to say something. They can’t just shut their mouths.” etc., etc., etc.

I didn’t say a word, shuffled up and dealt the last few hands of stud. The game changed to Holdem and with the change, the limit also changed. The 1st hand out, he bet $300 on the Flop – should have been $200. On the Turn, he bet $600 – should have been $400. He got raised and then threw his hand away.

For some reason on the next hand, the bet was in order and nothing was ever said about the bet on the previous hand.

I knew he put too much money in the pot…I didn’t feel that I was getting even with him or punishing him. Under any other circumstance, I would have straightened out the bet, regardless of who the player is or my personal feeling about them.

He’s always so determined to put everyone in their place and categorize the world into a little caste system that makes him feel superior…so be it!

I came into work and it was so dead that there were “little deads” hanging in the air and slipping into my nostrils as I breathed, hanging off of each hair on my head, and trying to slide into my mouth if I opened it to speak.

I hate it when it’s like this. I could either sit dead spreads, take breaks, or choose to play. I picked the last one.

I can’t remember winning more than two pots in eight hours. Flopped two sets, they got beat, AA got beat by A-7, etc., etc., etc.

Then the worst of all situations happened…the worst dealer in the world sat down in the box. Please don’t think it’s because he/she didn’t deal me a hand. I’m used to sitting for three to four hours and never picking up a playable hand, let alone a winning hand.

You might be asking yourself what the criteria is for being the ‘worst dealer in the world’.

My description: Our game is short handed and has been for two hours…there are two other tables running of the same limit and we have the least amount of players. The Worst Dealer, (shortened from here on out to WD), sits down in the game.

Immediately the game slows down, shuffle, hand delivery, etc., drops by at least one half the speed the game was running before. We must be putting the WD out by expecting a quality job here…obviously we’re interrupting the WD and expecting him/her to do his/her job.

Two new players are seated in our game by the brush person…one is in the big blind position and the other right behind the button. Even though the brush is bringing their chips and has announced what they have ‘behind’…the WD never even asks them if they’d like to post or take the blind, just deals them right out.

The next hand, the new player behind the button asks the WD if he/she thinks he should post. The WD replies, “I cannot answer any question like that.” I answered it. I told the new player that had he posted on the previous hand, it would have been to his advantage but now it would be better to wait for the big blind since we were short a player anyway.

The next hand finds the button in the seat to my left; he’s a newcomer/tourist that’s standing up, talking to a friend of his and is not more than one foot from his chair. The WD deals him out, even though it’s his button and when the player turns around and asks, “You dealt me out?”

The WD states, “I did not see you sitting your chair.”

Throughout his/her whole down, the WD made it a point to deal as slowly as possible, never is cooperative or even acts like he/she cared if the game went for another minute.

This dealer is a playing dealer which should make him/her a better dealer but unfortunately this is not the case.

It’s truly a bitch…playing in a game and watching people you work with try to make the game as bad as possible. To ask a question as to why/how/what were they thinking would be rhetorical.

I can only tell all of you that play and have never dealt…I apologize for the dealers that think you owe them something because they push you a pot.

Dealt a friendly little, jammin’ $4-$8 Texas holdem game…a lady named Rosie was in the 6 seat. When I first sat down, she said, “They claim that poker makes no money for the casino.”

I said, “Pretty much true!”

She said emphatically, “They’s lyin’, they’s lyin’, they’s lyin’!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little over her reaction. Then she won a pot. As she stacked, she looked at me and asked, “Do you think you deserve a tip?”

I knew she was messing with me…I said, “A tip should be given because you feel I do my job well not because I pushed you a pot and not because you feel you have to tip.”

She chuckled and said, “Then I won’t tip you.”

I just kept dealing, a few minutes later she threw me some blue chips, I thanked her and the game went on. She was tired and feigned sleep during each hand. I prompted her just before the action got to her in each new hand. Each time she folded and closed her eyes again.

The last hand I dealt, she won a big pot. As I was leaving the dealer’s box, she asked, “Do you think you deserve a tip?”

I replied, “Hell yes, I had to wake you up every hand!”

She started laughing and threw me more blues.

The following night, I got out of work early and played in a game that she was in. She tried to match make a date for me with every guy at the table. When I told her I was happy being single, she said she’d be looking if she was me and that she was married and she was still looking.

She was a fireball and lots of fun. Every time I revealed anything personal about myself, such as: I play poker, drink a beer, have children, have been married, have grandchildren…she exclaimed, “You’ve got to be kidding! You look like a little Barbie Doll that sits on a shelf.”

To which I can only say, “Thank you, Rosie! You’re certainly fun to deal to and play poker with!”

Christoph Haller is in town from Europe. I have been dragging him out into the desert for hikes in the early a.m. and he gave me this little tale that I so much enjoyed, thought I’d share it with everyone.

Christoph is in the 1 seat. Game is Omaha 8 or better, $300-600 limit, bet and max raises pre-flop, board comes something like J-8-little…one player keeps raising and asking for the 10 of spades. On the turn the bet is maxed out and the same request for the 10 of spades.

The 10 of spades fall on the river and Layne Flack – 5 seat, sails all four of his cards – straight through the air – past Christoph’s head – and they curve right into the garbage can in the corner.

The action comes around, bet and raised, Christoph calls, the player that asked for the 10 of spades throws his hand into the muck, the other player keeps looking at his hand after my Christoph shows down a winner.

Layne jumps up to reclaim his cards from the garbage can because he realized the 10 of spades made him a straight…even though he said he didn’t muck it, just threw it in the garbage…it was a dead hand and didn’t get any part of the pot.

Christoph is still in awe of how all four cards sailed five meters through the air and all went into the garbage can, completely clearing the rim…I’m not sure winning the pot even impressed him!!

I participated in a hand that had 10 players, maximum raises pre-flop, (pot started with $200.00), in a $4-8 holdem game. The field was seven handed on the flop for a raise, five handed on the Turn and four players on the River.

The Flop was Q-3 of Diamonds, Jack of Clubs. Turn was not worth remembering and the River was another Jack

Three hands showed down on the River – pocket K’s, K-Q suited, and J-10 Diamonds. I wish I’d of had that damn J-10 of Diamonds. That pot would’ve sent me home singing.

What was I in there with??? Nope, I didn’t have any of the hands that showed. I’ll leave you with the thought that I definitely had the chance to win or I wouldn’t have been there.

The game was great…so great that the last hand I tried to make a stand with was pockets 10’s. Raised it pre-flop and got called by A-6 off-suit. The flop was 9-8-6, Rainbow. The A-6 fired at it, I raised. The Turn was checked, I bet. Sadness here…big Alligators Tears…a lonely disgusting Ace popped off on the River and I gave up my seat.