What if you could have anything you wanted. What would you choose? After having received anything you wanted, what would be your next wish? Gotcha! You’re now trapped in the realm of the lost.

You’re struggling with a reply; you’re on the defense. There’s no time clock to battle, no financial stress, you have everything you want in terms of family/friends or lack of, food, sex, great body, money, health, intelligence, the universe, and it’s evil…you hate it now that you have it.

OPEN…poker! The great equalizer. The medium that doesn’t follow the core of complexities that society needs to evolve around everyday.

While you’re contemplating that I might as well fill in a few events from my days at work.

I dealt a crazy little four handed game of $300-$600 Mixed Games. One of the games was Deuce to Seven Triple Draw. Half way through my down, they decided that if you called a raise, you could draw six cards (that would be if you threw away all five on the first draw only) and if you were in the Big Blind, you could throw away all five and draw six. I wasn’t sure I got all of it but just did as they told me. Of course, when you drew for the next round, you would discard and draw one less than you discarded.

At one point, when Ali was in the blind, he threw away all five and told me to give him six.

I was the dumb butt here…I said, “I thought when you….”

Ali informed me, “You do not think. We tell you what to do.”

That’s why I truly HATE poker. I do think. So go screw yourself if you think I don’t. I try to make sure I never make a mistake and that I protect all players in the game and know what’s going on.

Well, anyway, the rest of the down was painless. They gambled, laughed and giggled, I dealt.

*****

I had to do a repeat run through three games. They were all low limit. $4-$8 Holdem and no one at the table knew what was going on. Every card was, “How much is to me?” – “What can I bet?” The games were slower than hell and these people did not tip.

Wondering if I’m in it for the money? Yes!

*****

Tonight found me having a major altercation with J.J. in a $30-$60 Holdem game. He’s mentioned in a post last week. He moved a seat to his left (the 4s) and immediately the 7s opened and he wanted it. He stated, “Deal me in.”

I told him that if he took a hand and then moved again, he would be expected to post the Blind. He had a fit. He implied that I was a trouble maker and full of ‘noise’. He stormed, “Deal me out. I want the seven seat because it is my favorite seat…blah, blah, blah….”

The 1s was D-R-U-N-K and obnoxious and I had a slight problem with him when he folded a hand but left it lay 1/2 inch from his fingers. When I asked him if he was done with the hand, I got a lecture on how he folded. Wonderful. Since I only deal to a zillion different people a year, I’m sure I’m going to know how this guys folds.

The game was a mess when I sat down. It didn’t get any better.

J.J. went out to smoke. When he came back he continued. I told him he didn’t even listen to what I said. He said I told him he couldn’t take a hand in the 4s. I told him that was not true and he was always upset, no matter what happened. He told me that the only thing that upset him was people like me. The whole table laughed.

I give up. I’m done trying to pass the STRESS TEST with J.J. He can figure it out and adjust or he’s on my ‘non-human’ list. I’ve dealt to him for a lot of years and I get sick of the attitude that he represents.

The Poker World is full of new faces and new ideas. If you can’t adjust, get ready to be unhappy.

Tango has been sitting on the sidelines instead of dancing every dance. The culprit? The Screenplay. My brain is intrinsically merged to the fibers in the story line of the screenplay. It’s finished. Ahhhh but that means it’s rewrite time and that’s where I’m at. I’ve received great input from a few friends and I’m ready to carve out a masterpiece but a break is needed and it’s time to Tango.

Precious came into the 6s of a $30-$60 Holdem game I was dealing on Thursday night. He was already seated in a chair and Andy, one of our Chip Runners, was pushing the chair in front of him (as if it had wheels) and pushed Precious up to the table. It’s hard to tell where Andy started with the chair but Precious kept a continually running, demanding string of orders so Andy would know what to do…like don’t breathe unless Precious says you can. “Stop here!” “Now wait a minute.” “Help me take my jacket off….let it drop straight down. I have arthritis in my shoulders.”

Andy had a smile and the patience of God; he did exactly as Precious asked him to do and Precious just kept barking at him. Andy finally got Precious settled and went to get chips for him.

Precious was between the Button and the Small Blind and I asked if he wanted to be dealt in. As if I were sock lint between the toes he hasn’t seen in a few years, he barked, “I’ll let you know when!”

He got his chips, not sure if he even told Andy thank you, and the Button passed him. He had his chips arranged and I knew if I dealt him out, he’d have a cow and a steer so I looked at the 7s and mouthed, “Ask him if he wants to post.”

The 7s complied and sure enough, Precious posted. I just didn’t want to have him bark at me again.

Precious informed me that he was 87 and couldn’t see and couldn’t hear and just loved to play poker, in between little barbs and jabs at everything else. He kept giving me a goofy toothless smile and I smiled back at him each time.

A note on Precious: I’ve dealt to him for over 16 years. It’s a bitch. He’s always got a sarcastic reply and a complaint about everything and no one else can say anything because the Great Precious interrupts them and tries to make them feel like they left home without packing any brainfood.

Nope, this isn’t meant to be negative. He’s at a spot in his life that all of us will reach if we live long enough. It’s just damn painful to be around him.

He bit my head off a few times and then when something came up, he asked me what happened. I replied, “At the risk of getting my head bit off for the 100th time in the last 14 years…”

He interrupted me of course.

A few minutes later he tried to be charming and asked, “So I’ve been a little hard on you before, huh?”

I just smiled. He smiled back. The rest of the table played poker, Precious wanted to play THE GAME.

I escaped. I didn’t get far because all the people that I write about are like a revolving door. There’s always an encounter with them that seems to be trapped in a time warp…repeat…blip…repeat…blip…

Marty C., Israeli Mike, Cuckoo, George P., Sam G., it just happens over and over again.

I’d better sit out this next dance and get on that screenplay or I could be stuck in the time warp the rest of my life…ouch!

To view hyperlinks, you must click on the title ‘My Favorite Places for Chip and Collectibles’. In order to return to the ‘categories menu’ please click on ‘Table Tango’ in the header.

Some of my favorite places to check out chips and collectibles for poker related items.

Poker Pete

The poker explosion is running right off the scale of reality. A whole new crop of players that need to be trimmed and pruned…no, not of their cash…into the etiquette of poker. It won’t be easy. Look at all of the people that have played for years and still can’t figure out that proper behavior and game protocol even apply to poker, let alone know what it means.

I accept the fact that the job of teaching new players how to interact with the mechanics of the game is never ending. It’s taken me a long to figure out that it’s always going to be like the rent/mortgage; it keeps popping up and someone has to deal with it. No pun intended.

I find a lot of really helpful players that gently lead a new player into the betting, the blinds, how/when to act, without giving poker lessons. I love these people. They make my job so much easier.

I also find a lot of people that openly criticize a new player and teach them bad habits. Sure, you knew this was going somewhere…

1) $80-$160 Holdem and Omaha 8 or Better, the Time Drop is taken after the Flop. The Blinds cannot chop until the Time Drop has been satisfied. Some of the locals blatantly give the $40 small blind back when there are no calls/raises pre-flop. I’ve had nothing short of a fit when it’s happened, and it has, the last two days of work.

In one instance the Big Blind winked at me as he threw the $40 back to the small blind player. I guess I was supposed to think the whole thing was cute and just ignore it. I did not. I asked him what he thought was supposed to happen when another player saw him do it and expected me to ignore it too. He agreed that I was right but I’d bet my weeks tips that he still does it every time he thinks he can get away with it.

The second instance is that now these same locals are teaching the new players to do the same thing on a Time Pot. More fits by me. I have explained that if they continue to do this, each player will pay time individually just like the $30-$60 Limit Holdem and $10-$20 Blind No Limit Holdem games.

No chopping on a time pot means no chopping. Figure it out! I wish it would go to individual time, it would make the game much better.

2) I dealt the Friday’s $1,000 Buy-in No Limit Tournament. T.J. was instructing everyone at the table how to be a World Class Whiner. People learn these things from listening to the pros! In the big blind, he raised all-in and got called by the small blind that had less $$ than T.J. The small blind won the pot with J-8S vs. T.J.’s A-little offsuit, by making a pair of Jacks.

T.J. berated him, “How could you even call with Jack high? You didn’t have anything at risk…blah, blah, blah…”

Then T.J. called an additional $100 from the small blind with something like 8-4 offsuit. The big blind checked it out with T.J. and made a pair of threes on the River with 7-3 offsuit. T.J. went ballistic, “That’s the third time I’ve started with the best hand and lost…”

Ok…hold my sides while I die laughing here…what is it with the whine and the lessons?

This same table had a woman in the 3s that was so drunk, she literally couldn’t stand without bobbing and weaving but she seemed to know how to play poker. She yelled at me to yell at her when there was a raise because she couldn’t hear me. Christ! I thought I was already SCREAMING the first five minutes into the down. Maybe I was the only one that could hear my screams.

The 1 and 2s shared a little smile and secret laugh with me…they saw the overview.

3) One night, while dealing $80-$160 Omaha 8 or Better with a 1/4 Kill, Kenny was in the 9s. He’s been around Vegas a million years and knows a lot of the history of the players and ‘old days’. I like his attitude. He’s not a steamer and never gets out of line with anyone…maybe with his play now and then but that’s between him and him.

The subject of Dealer Abuse and a few other things came up where he kept pulling me into the conversation. Stu Ungar’s name popped up. I commented that Stu always liked to throw the cards into the Dealer’s chest and run out of the room when he took a beat.

Kenny said he could never figure out how anyone thought Stu was a great player when he couldn’t control his emotions if he lost.

I followed with an exaggerated, “He stuck a knife in the dealer’s chest when he lost the hand…but he’s a great player!”

We both laughed over that idiotic mentality. How the hell can you be a great player when you’re incapable of taking a beat? Everyone takes a beat. It’s going to happen. My thought is just knuckle down and play through it. The sooner you put it out of your mind, the better your game is going to be.

Don’t agree with me? Oh well…I never agreed with Stu Ungar’s fan club either.

It’s a never ending stream of people flowing through the door. The heads bob up and down like waves on the ocean. The microphones and occasional burst of excitement or anger rip through the barricade of conversation and chip clatter that create an eternal roar resembling a building coming down around your head. The body heat and emotion is overwhelming. Where the hell is my medication????

*****

I dealt the $30,000-$60,000 game to Andy and Todd on Wed. nite. Easiest game in the house to deal, no rake, no time, just sign in like a tournament, sit down and deal…three chips for the small blind, two chips for the big blind.

No, I don’t know who was winning. I do know the Blinds would pay off everything I owe in life (except my house) and I’d have fun money left over. 🙂

I’m happy to be part of this experience, to witness it, deal it, approach Andy and Craig, and have them greet me with a warm smile and hello…it’s history. Just like dealing the WPT/Ultimate Bet Aruba event. I have something to share with my friends and family that most people will only hear about or watch on television.

*****

James Woods was in the room last night playing the $2-$4 Blind, No Limit Holdem game. I visited with him for a brief second…actually I jumped right into a conversation with him about poker screenplays and writing. He may send me an email…hope, hope, wish!

*****

One night last week, while dealing a $100-$300 Blind Pot Limit Omaha game, I made a HUGE mistake. I thought I would get my head ripped off by the players (verbally) but believe it or not, the coolest and calmest of the five players were Johnny Chan and Sammy Farha…

I allowed my concentration to lapse for that half a second that it takes to make a mistake. The wrong Game Plaque was on the table for the Blind Structure. The dealer before me should have called the floor and had it changed but…that would be too damn easy.

While dealing the hand, I looked over my shoulder to ask another passing dealer to notify the floor that the blind structure was wrong on the card. In doing so, I only dealt Klinger, the Small Blind, three hole cards and everyone else four.

Don’t worry, it went just like the nightmare that it’s supposed to be. Johnny raised, the 8s folded, and Klinger discovered that he had three cards. I apologized and called for a decision.

Tim (fairly new to the Floor position) came over, stumbled around with the fact that he thought it was a dead hand but couldn’t quite come out with a definite statement, finally said he’d better check and went to ask the Supervisor.

Between Sam and Johnny, the conversation went back and forth with the fact that they knew it was going to be declared a dead hand…only option open for Klinger was that the House might give him back the $100.

Klinger started to make a comment about the dealer making a mistake and Johnny jumped right in and told Klinger that it was up to the player to protect their own hand and he should’ve said something right away.

Sammy told Klinger that “IT” had already happened and there was nothing that could be done about it now.

WOW! I almost fell off of my chair.

The players opted to give Klinger back his $100 and the hand went on.

I’m still a little bit in shock over that whole experience. I know I made the mistake and should have concentrated totally on the game. The shock factor comes in when NOT ONE OF THEM pounded me with the fact that I needed to pay attention and they reasoned it out as to what would happen and then proceeded in a civilized manner.

There really is a Poker God and She was looking out for me!

Just the word overtime makes me feel slightly sick to my stomach, but there it was, slapped right in my face in the pleasant form of, “Linda, would you stay a little longer for me?”

Arghhhhh! I hate OT. I did stay…it turned into a nine hour shift for me. There were still 30 games running at 3 a.m. What the hell is going on here? Don’t these people have a home? Ok, enough whining from my end of it.

I dealt to one idiot, 3s, in a $15-$30 game that was never supposed to take a beat. Every one else was supposed to lay down and die to make sure he won the pot. The first sign of unhappiness came when he flopped a full, (Q-3), Queens full of Threes, and got beat by runner-runner Ace. He made snotty comments to the winner.

The winner was wonderful, he exclaimed, “You’re not going anywhere are you? You’re staying aren’t you? That way I can win all of your money!”

I had to laugh over that.

The loser then turned to me, “Nice job dealing.”

I replied, “Thank you! I am a good dealer.”

The 3s lost another hand later in my down. He did the same thing with, “Nice job dealing.”

I did the same thing, “Thank you.”

He informed me he wouldn’t tip me again. I said, “You worry about my tips but I won’t worry about your play.”

The 7s chimed in, acting as if he was a buddy of the 3s, “You’re being a bad boy again.”

The 3s made more comments about my dealing and how I wouldn’t get a tip from him.

I replied, “I won’t make comments about your playing.”

The situtation was a little on the steamy side but at this point, I really didn’t care.

The 7s chimed in again, same chummy attitude towards the 3s, “You are being a bad boy.”

I looked right at the 7s and asked, “Why don’t you take him home and spank him then?”

The 3s was the button and each time I moved it to deal to him, he pulled it back right in front of him.

I asked, “Are you finished?”

He replied, “Just getting it out of your way.”

Funny how it didn’t bother him the other two rounds of the table.

The 8s told him to stop it and just play poker.

Amen brother. What the hell is wrong with just playing the game?

*****

Andy was back, slamming it up with Phil I. tonight. Results unkown.

I landed in Billings MT early a.m. on the 21st. A gathering of friends and family came to share a belated wedding/house warming for my nephew and his wife. Too much food, too much to drink, and loads of laughter, music, and great company were the highlight of the event. It rained the whole time I was there but the rain didn’t put a damper on anyone’s spirit or the event.

Seemed like there was never any time to sleep but we did find time to play poker. We took one hour poker breaks stuffed in between setting up for the party, fixing a meal, sleep, and anything else that might get in the way. I lost! Can you believe it? A friendly little $.25-$.50 poker game and I barely found a hand I wanted to play while they played everyone dealt to them. Hysterical!

Tonight, the 25th, it’s back to the land of insanity. The world where nothing exists but the next hand being dealt. Truthfully I’m not looking forward to stepping back into the casino noise and hurry scurry side of life, let alone the poker room where the microphones will scream for hours, body heat and emotion explode in a never ending torrent, and people will enter and leave in a never ending flood.

An interesting note, while walking through the airport to Baggage Claim, there are ads on all of the walls with the greats of poker supporting Belvedere Vodka, you can view them here.

A $15-$30 Stud game, one night last week, would have tried the patience of God, let alone this little mortal’s ability to deal with people that just DON’T GET IT! The worst of it is, one of the people that just didn’t get it, deals day shift and should know the rules better than anyone at the table, besides me.

First the rule:

In all raked games ($20-$40 and lower), seat change is by request. If no one has asked for a seat change and a seat opens, the new player puts anything down in the seat, i.e. chips, cash, car keys, coat on the chair, etc., the seat belongs to the person locking it up.

In this particular nightmare event, the game was $15-$30 Stud but it was going to change to $20-$40 Stud hinging on one condition, keep in mind that everyone at the table had already agreed before I got there and I was just sitting down. The 1s, Joan, was going to go to another $15-$30 stud game and trade places with Ben that wanted to play $20-$40. Her moving and the game changing was based on the fact that Ben wanted the seat she was leaving and Ben had already placed a $5 chip under the edge of the rail in her seat. Hence, he locked up the seat.

As soon as she started to rack up, the 2s, Ray, one of our dealers, said he wanted the seat. Where was Ray in the conversation before I got there? If Ben didn’t get the 1s, Joan wasn’t leaving and the game would stay $15-$30…keep in mind all of this had already been agreed upon.

I looked at the $5 chip under the edge of the rail and asked Joan, “Ben already locked this seat up?”

The answer was ‘yes’ and if Ben couldn’t have the 1s, she wasn’t leaving.

I stated that since Ben had locked the seat up, it was his seat.

Ray started an argument with me, “He has preference over player’s in the game?”

Me, “He locked the seat up, it’s his seat.”

Ray, “Even over players already in the game, amazing,” as he started to put his chips in the rack…he was leaving.

My thought, then go quietly please.

Ben got his seat. Ray kept mumbling about how amazing it was that a new player could have a seat choice over someone that had been playing…blah, blah, blah, and finally left. But he came by the table after cashing out and gave me a, “Sorry, Honey.”

And I’m sure he still believed that I was wrong. Shouldn’t he know the rules? Don’t even try to answer that one.

The 7s in this game, Josh, is someone I’ve been dealing to off and on for a few years. He’s not consistently a regular but plays often enough that we greet each other and we’ve never had any kind of dispute when he’s played and I’ve dealt. This session changed that.

He was grumbling about his bad luck, in general, nothing specific directed at me or anyone else. He got involved in more than one pot while I was dealing and didn’t win. He also had several people walk up behind him and distract his game with conversation.

The hand that started all of the problem found him with buried A-A and he was the low card. The action ended up three way and all the raises went in. The down side of it is that Josh started this hand with a lone $100 bill and a few chips in front of him. He dropped a roll of $100’s on the table and when fourth street hit, he had $15 left in chips.

He threw out a $100 and I told him it didn’t play, that he could only play the $15 in chips.

He informed me that he had pulled this money out of his pocket when he put in his ante. When this hand started, he was interrupted by a visitor and that may be why his money didn’t go on the table, he had it in his hand.

I told him that he may have pulled it out of his pocket but it didn’t go onto the table until after the action started.

He argued. None of the other seven players agreed with him or me, they never said a word. Normally if someone saw him bring out the money, they would have jumped in on his behalf.

I asked him if he wanted me to call for a decision.

He emphatically informed me that if I did, Suzie would favor his side.

I said, “No she wouldn’t. She’d make the correct decision.”

Josh, “I guarantee you, she will favor me in the decision.”

I said, “Make up your mind now. Do you want a decision? Don’t wait until the hand is over and then decide you want one.”

He grumbled that he didn’t want one but still insisted that the money had been on the table and he’d never had a problem with me before, why were we having one now.

I didn’t even answer. He lost the hand to two small pair.

The 5s looked at me and asked if I was ready for a drink.

I said, “Hell Y-E-S!” We both laughed.

I went on down the line right into a little rock and roller $4-$8 Holdem game. They just wanted to gamble…thank you, God!

Sometimes I have more fun at work than the law allows, this is one of those cases. Bill L. plays mostly $8-$16 Holdem at Bellagio, although he’s been around for quite some time. I believe I posted about him a few years ago because I dealt him seven Aces in four hands…yup…that would mean he had pocket Aces three hands back to back and picked up a lone Ace in the fourth hand. He’s usually talking, win or lose, and while he may sound like he’s ‘grouching’ at times, he’s really quite funny and entertaining.

I skipped into an $8-$16 Holdem game that was all guys and most of them were drinking and gambling. The 1s was a very healthy, good looking bundle of noise about the same age as my kids. His friends were playing at the next table and they had all come to town…to do what? Party is my guess.

Bill was in the 7s and jumping in and out of the conversation. He said he was stuck. I asked, “How many lap dances?”

Yes, that’s always how he jokingly calculates the amount he’s stuck, in lap dances.

He blurted out a figure like 12 or 15 or something like that and the 1s went nutz-z-z-z with it. He gave up the info that he was a lawyer, his father was a lawyer, they were going to open a strip joint. No, I don’t know where. He was loud and everyone was laughing like they’d been served laughing gas instead of cocktails…I was laughing too. Someone he knew would handle all the action, licenses, etc.

The conversation sped off to the Pink Lollipop (or something like that name) in Florida. Other guys at the table knew about it. They went into a run about the Strippers at that joint and how much money they made. Then they jumped into how much the house gets from each lap dance, if they had a private dance, etc. Some arguing there because a few of the boys felt they were the experts on the subject.

I said, “Why not ask Bill?”

Their attention momentarily shifted to Bill and he said, “It’s really hard to get those fifty cent pieces to stay in their G-strings.”

Hysterical!

The 1s barely took time to suck air during my down…he was so busy talking and laughing. Once during my deal, he started talking about the possibilities on the board when there was a lot of action. I shushed him. He informed me that anyone playing at the table could see what was on the board.

I did a, “Listen, when you run the girls, you tell them what to do. But when you’re in my game, you do what I tell you.”

He roared. He told me his mother’s name was Linda.

When I hit the next table, three of his friends were in the game and they were chiding him that nothing was sacred and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut…”You even told her your mother’s name, GAWD!”

Just think of the havoc they could wreak in this town…mothers hide your daughters.