I had big plans to be here and then I ran headfirst into the bad news of the Connecticut shooting and suddenly my eyes couldn’t do anything but close.  But closing them didn’t stop the tears.  I couldn’t stand the thought of parents being called and those that heard the news leaving for the school as fast as they could while they were praying one of those kids wasn’t theirs.

Then the thought of unopened Christmas presents waiting at home for parents who lost their child hit and it didn’t get any better, it still really isn’t any better. The teaching staff and their life partners, the other kids witnessing the carnage, and nothing makes sense any more.  If I was a single parent with an only child that died by that shooter’s hand, I believe I would quietly kill myself.  I’m not sure I could get back up every day and have it in my head, waiting to pop out when I least expected it, filling me with the blackness that chokes the life out of your spirit.

But that wasn’t bad enough, a friend posted on Facebook about some lunatic in China had attacked and injured 22 school children WITH A KNIFE!  Seriously, I thought it was a sick joke, like the gun control people are screaming about guns and others are saying anything is a weapon including a ‘knife’ so don’t think we’re safe if we outlaw guns. But it’s not a joke. It’s scary as fucking hell.  Apparently in 2010 there was a rash of knife assaults on school children in China.

The screaming for gun control has always been obnoxiously wrong and now it’s at fever pitch.  I talked to someone today that believes 911 was a conspiracy theory spawned by the U.S. government and the word out is that Obama’s so strong on gun control that the Connecticut shooting could be another conspiracy theory. Seriously?

This isn’t about gun control though, it’s about the system and the way we play it.  We have laws that have little laws growing out of every level of the legal system and their breeding at the rate of rabbits. Do you really think there won’t be any guns in the hands of private citizens if guns are taken away from us?

There is no safety net, anywhere, that can predict if someone is going to step over the brink. With 314,947,991 estimated to be living in the United States, how would anyone ever monitor when the next person is going to lose it or if that someone needs help because they can’t cope. Of course I expect that to happen somewhere down the road, hopefully not in my lifetime, but I can see a world where control devices are inserted in each person’s body.

First it would register your location and identity, then as technology advanced it could read your emotional level that’s tracked by a standard computer program which sends out an alarm if you’re mental/physical state is changing to the red line…yeah, if you were injured, it would affect your mental state. Not to worry, the control device would give you a dose of something sent straight from the program so you instantly are removed from the red line state.  But I guess that’s going to be next and this is now.

I’m not happy. I can’t find a way to escape the unfathomable insanity of trying to find a solution of peace and wellness for everyone on earth, but I keep thinking about it.

Perhaps we need to set up call response teams that explain how easy it is to commit suicide instead of killing others before you kill yourself or just killing others. The response team could make it sound like it’s an inviting option that removes so many problems from the picture. And also explain that the reason the caller wanted to kill something is because they hate themselves and the best way to end it would be…suicide…removing all complications.

Sound crass and cold?  Why not help people that are on a death mission walk through the easy process of painless ways to kill themself and if they wanted to do it with a big splash so the world will know their pain, it could be made into a contest.  The potential suicides could buy a kit that would allow them to set up a Vlog for their last thoughts, the setting of where they will bite the big one, how they will do it, and then they can carry out the act on tape with one last scream of rebellion or a flash card pop up if that’s their wish.  Obviously the scream would be recorded in practice and then inserted into their video later.

I like that idea.  Now to the prizes…that will require some thought.

So yeah…just rambling and releasing a little frustration.

I’m sorry our society has fallen, that Reality TV and raw, brutal video games and movies with random violence and other influences have brought us to the point that we ‘accept substandard’ as part of our lives.  If we ever conquer the ills of our nation, it will take each of us paying attention; turning in our friends or loved ones if we know they are ready to blow, watching out for the kids that walk down your block to catch the bus, stopping the freak from hitting his dog and calling a cop on him, making sure you take care of your house and life, and putting your neck out instead of pulling it in like an ostrich that doesn’t want to get involved.

But people, really, if it’s time for you to move on, just write a long letter or leave a Vlog telling the world your story, and DO IT!  Do it alone, leave others out of it because no one wants to participate and it’s not fair that you should choose when someone else is going to die…after all, you can commit suicide whenever you want. Go in peace.