but mine stays fairly constant.  Always busy and never a day where there’s nothing to do is how my forward moving view stands.  I often wonder about people that can sit endlessly surfing the TV channels, or just go off to visit with friends for hours, or say, “I’m bored.  There’s nothing to do.”  My instant thought is ‘how possible?’

That brings more to my already live streaming, super highway of brain patterns.  Is each state a part of our being or do we create it?  Do I always build a project or spin a vortex that draws a new event or emotional exchange with someone into my life?  Believing that we are all creators of our future and life as we want it to be, it would make sense that somewhere in my unconscious thought, I cannot perceive spending a day of being bored with nothing to do.  That brings another thread of thought, is it healthy or is it part of a need to feed?

For many years I’ve had the opportunity to have a front row seat into the inner regions of a normally hidden and forbidden region of the mind of people from near and far, young and old, and from every walk of life.  That seat has prepared me for many encounters with my own emotion and experiences and has taught me that being where someone else has been, or is, is right where I’ve been at times only with a different set of circumstances.  In being able to see – really see – I find life is much easier to cope with when I have an encounter with someone that continually tries to feed off of my energy and is willing to take every advantage to make sure I pay attention and experience their drama and excessive need for attention.

With the thought of spinning a vortex, I began to believe (some years ago) that each of us can create a tie with another person that keeps us always linked or hooked into them.  That statement is not about friendship or love.  It is about dislike and even hatred if one chooses to give up that much energy to someone else.  In giving up emotional responses to another person, especially of hate/dislike, I believe that we are tying our future together with theirs, expecting to experience life with them even though we profess to wishing they would just disappear.  Surviving their ability to feed on another being’s energy and skillfully sidestepping all of their well laid plans to control is a must to continue any tie with them, if you stay, you have now linked yourself to becoming their guide and companion.   These type of ties are extremely difficult to cut once you have established the pattern.

Since my trip into Las Vegas for Thanksgiving, which had some extreme irritation and angst running through my thoughts at certain instances, I’ve since spent some time constructing the whole picture from the point of an observer.  I believe that is the key, the ability to become the observer.  I try more and more to separate myself from a world that is difficult, fraught with emotional turbulence, and selfish human need, and continue on in my quest to become a better person than I was yesterday, leaving behind the dark gloom that is never resolved and appears to feed on everything it comes in contact with.

Hopefully that world will one day just rotate out of my planetary system, not with pain or death, just move on and not return.  For if I wished ill against that world, I would then be easily sucked back into it with the blackness of likeness.

From the beginning to this point,  I veered steadily in another direction than intended but that’s the way it works.  The thoughts run on, never ending and relentless, and I am never bored with nothing to do, and that brings the question back, ‘Do I create it?’

*****

On the poker front, my friend Glenda and I have been bludgeoning ourselves with the Daily Dollar on Full Tilt Poker.  It is fun.  We fire up the chat as we take our beats calmly and wait for the next day’s events.  It’s fun having a chat buddy while you’re playing.  We both watch the others game and when we have a big hand or we are just shoving due to short chips or big-hand-itis, we root for each other.  Yeah, Baby, that’s the fun part of poker!