Spam isn’t funny and I feel spammers should be convicted, locked up in a room that is filled with floor to ceiling screens that continually refresh with the spam criminal’s sludge that they leave on every forum and in every blog comment – include spam email freaks in that too – and they should be held in their own digital digital jail hell for at least two years…perhaps longer.

But this spam message has been posted on my blog numerous times and I can’t help but find the contents to be humorous – links removed of course:

I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia  penis enlargement and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me.  penis enlargement They’re coming back now.  Please send help!

The next one: Flying out of Vegas on Allegiant Air was a breeze – paying $39.95 for the ticket each way and knowing it would take about two hours to get to the Eugene Airport was another ‘breeze’ thing.  Flying out of Eugene made me laugh.  It’s not my first trip out but it’s the first time I’ve found the personnel of Allegiant Air to be so…well…rude and know-it-all.  I paid $40 to check a big bag both ways, and had my computer bag and a shoulder bag carry on.  When I approached the ticket counter, the female clerk tried pulling my bag up on their scales (doe those scales work?), she stood up on the scale and gave it another pull, she almost didn’t make it…hell, I would’ve done it for her since they won’t let you leave your bag there, you have to go across the room to hand it off to an attendant standing behind a roped off area.  She then informed me that it was too heavy, sounding like I’d broken a commandment or just shot her co-worker.  I asked, “Too heavy for what?”

She hauled it off the scale to her side of the counter and as she marched over to another (must be highly sensitive scale), said over her should, “To go as a regular check-in.”  After watching her set it up on the scale, I looked away.  Maybe I wanted to laugh at how hard she was pushing herself to prove a point and possibly make me pay an extra luggage fee…maybe I was just bored with her bullshit.  She drug it back over and pulled it back up onto the scale by her counter and still acting like I was out line, she grouched, “You have eight pounds to spare.”

I didn’t respond, simply waited for her to hand me my ticket and she informed me where to take my bag to check it in for the trip.  At the roped off section, the attendant asked me if it was locked.  “No.”

“Are you carrying any firearms?”

Gee…if I was, it would be locked dipshit!  Just random thoughts running wildly across my endless mass of thoughts.

“No.”

The security checkpoint person I showed my ID and ticket to had a sense of humor.  The two women manning the scanner and metal roller basket holder did not.  The metal roller is set at a downhill angle – about 10 feet long – going into the scanner.  I had my pc out and in a basket, my shoes off and in a basket with my camera, my shoulder bag and iPhone in another one.  As I turned to set my pc case up on the roller bars, one of the baskets came skating off my end of the roller and landed on the table top in front of me.  I turned to witness one of the grouchy bitches slinging my baskets backwards – she grabbed my shoes out of the basket and slammed them onto the roller, “Shoes do not go in a bin!” as she set my camera in another basket of my articles.

“Gee…if I’d known, I would’ve done that.”

Then one of the rollers fell down, two of the bitches were trying to pull it up and hook it back up on the pin it fell from – that took at least two minutes…yah, it was funny.

Go figure!  There are NO signs that say shoes go on the rollers; no announcements, I also didn’t see a sign for a mind reading class before I entered the security area.  Still, it all made me laugh at how important they were in their job security and what they probably think they are accomplishing each day.  IMHO they are working so hard at being important that they look like some of the clowns in the high limit section at Bellagio.

And Riot is hanging out with me today.  We had a water gun fight last night out on the property, it was hugely fun.  We had pump action rifle type things that spew water over 20 feet and hold a boat load of spews.  We were both soaked as we raced after each other, hiding around corners, and then just all out running.  We refilled and then went out looking for rabbits.  Damn it’s fun to be with a kid that knows no care in the world and doesn’t know the meaning of rent, and time schedules, and bad relationships, and, and, and…

One of the biggest laughs I’ve had over the last few weeks is that momparental isn’t breathing down my neck, throwing out demands and crying about how hard she works at being a mom and what a great job she does and could I get dadparental to stop calling her to tell her she’s a bad mother because Riot only was absent/missed 48 days of school last year?  And he just had to have five crowns put on his right side molars because they are all rotten and aching everyday and next week he goes in for the left side.  Yup…you’ve been a great mother, really concerned about your child’s welfare and education. There’s a lot more to the mess than is brought to the surface in this minute segment.  No threats and no crying noise is a very good thing for MOI.

Laughter really is the best medicine.