As I sorted through a variety of pills in the small case I carry, I watched him watch me. His eyes never met my eyes as he watched me find one and pop it into my mouth, chasing it down with a bottle of water. A few minutes later he fidgeted for a cigarette as he waited for the break to arrive in the tournament. I said, “Give give them up.” I knew he had tried to quit before.

“It’s better than being a pill biter,” came his reply.

“You aren’t talking about me, right?”

His eyes lied as his voice held the flat, non-emotional line, “No, not you.”

Does taking Nexium everyday for GERD, and Crestor for high cholesterol, and a beta blocker for high blood pressure class as being a pill biter? If it does, then yes, I am.

My stomach hurts like hell, and has for the last six hours. Somewhere in the universe there’s an invisible vise that has tightened around my midsection and refuses to let up. It’s not new. It’s about a seven year old subject for me and it comes and goes. With all the tests I’ve had ran, I get the canned replied, “IBS.” Kee-rist! I wish someone, somewhere would invent a drug that had no residual effect on the body, and allowed one to escape into blissful, painless euphoria, and the drug was dispensed by the government just for feel good factor. I’d be on them like a duck on a June Bug.

I’ve been testing different poisons. That’s my reference to almost all cholesterol lowering medications. And the statins I’ve been prescribed so far, have been exactly that, poison, just a small pill, taken once a day that does so much damage to my whole system it’s almost freaking awesome. So far – two whole months now – I’ve been able to live with the smallest dose available of Crestor. I only have mild muscle cramps in my forearms and hands during most of the day, a far cry from what the other three I tried did to me. Now I have to add something else to the Crestor, don’t even know how it’s spelled yet because I haven’t filled the prescription. It may give me hot flashes. WOO HOO! I’ve never had hot flashes. Yes, I’m old enough, NO, I just didn’t go through the misery that a lot of women go through when they enjoy the bliss of life’s changes.

I spent two days of this week getting up early to go have blood tests and return for results. Interestingly, I had tested positive for and been given drugs to fight the bacteria that causes ulcers, H Pylori, over a year ago. I was tested again and won’t know the results for a few days to come. The last time it was a blood test, this time it was a breath test. Interesting, blow in a bag, chug some urea (sheesh, sure hope it was synthetically made), wait 15 minutes and blow in another bag.

While I’m not thrilled with the pills I am taking, I’d much rather be a pill biter than a cigarette smoker. Send the drugs please…good ones, I wish I was on some right now.