Yeah, but you have kids! Before I start this, please don’t think I’m looking for a mate – I’m not. It’s not that I’m adverse to having a mate, I just don’t want to be with someone to be with someone and if I can’t have the whole cake – icing and crumbs included -instead of just a slice, I don’t want any of it. I’m not lonely and I’m very happy. I’m at peace with me. I certainly don’t need someone else disrupting all those ‘peace waves’ it’s taken me years to surround and fill myself with. This subject is a post of its own so I leave it here. In general, when I’ve spoken to someone about life and living and people and sharing and I’ve commented that I’m single, the general reply is, “Yes, but you have kids.” Like that makes me non-single orhooked upwith someone. In a way, yes, in the general sense of single, no. I’m still single. I still spend the majority of my time eating alone, planning alone, working alone, laughing alone (and yes I laugh a lot, even when I’m all by myself), and in general, enjoying life alone.

Having kids and being a single parent can be a very lonely life until your kids come to an age where they can understand you are a person too…not ‘just mom’. When you’re ‘just mom’ you aren’t real, except in a crisis or their need. One day, hopefully, they all realize that you aren’t ‘just mom’ and start to think about where you are, where you’ve been,especially whenthey are developing into the mold that you’ve been trying to break out of for years. It’s happened! The flower has bloomed! Damn it, I love my boys.

I just spent the last four days with my sons, Dan, Josh, and Darian. It’s the first time we’ve all been together in a very, very long time. It was worth millions to me. They were receptive and aware of each other, and me, and we laughed and teased, talked, shared, and spent what I will always remember as one of the best times of my life. We’ve shared many a rocky road together and I’m sure I was the major rock in the road during a lot our lives…hell…I had to try to grow up too. Here they are (L 2 R: Josh – middle child, Darian – youngest child, Dan – oldest child), my loves, my life, sons!

We were all at dinner when the above picturewas taken. Here we are later, at home, doing the picture thang with the four of us:

I sweet talked them into doing a hike at Anniversary Narrows with me. Darian couldn’t make it because he had to wait for the sweet boy Riot to be brought over by Riot’s mom. So Chad (nephew), Dan, Josh and I went. It was wonderful…not only the hike but the time spent with them. Nature is a beautiful adventure, we need to jump head first into that adventure more often.

The morning we went on the hike, I headed west to pick up Dan at his hotel, this morning moon was out giving us all a glimpse of her wonders at 7:30 a.m.

Chad found a natural rock bed to take a momentary rest in as we climbed up through one of nature’s art carvings:

Dan had a great time with us, he even left us at one point and climbedup one ofthe wash walls, after we’d trekked through the narrows. But this wasn’t the wash wall; we were still in the narrows here:

Josh was just kicking around, had his movie camera with him and did a little recording of his own. He stood still long enough for me to get him in this shot:

And last but by far from least – ‘just mom’ was enjoying everything about the day, the time, the moment, the gift of life and children, and truly happy that I’d graduated. I was a real person in the eyes of my children SWEET!

I am single andalone, but never lonely, and people are right…I do have children! Thank you, God! What a gift.