I discovered Michelob Ultraâ¦dry as hell, low carb, ‘light’ beer. Yummy! Only problem is I want one after I’ve been up a few hours. Now I see people everywhere in the poker room belting them down and I’m just dealing away with a dry mouth. Sheee-it! I tapped a dealer out of a $4-8 H game and while waiting for him to finish the hand, the 2s looked up at me. She was drinking none other than an ‘ultra’. I said, “Hey, my favorite beer.”
She replied, “No thanks. I’m good.”
Umnhhhh! Maybe she had one too many. Or I looked like the cocktail waitresses. NOT!
In an $80-160 gameâ¦mass action, one player all-in, I start to pull the bets for the side pot around and into the side pot and the player in the 6s grabbed the side pot and pulled it toward his chips with, “I’ll help you by getting this out of your way.”
He really meant it. I was flabbergasted as he pushed it back into its original spot. I replied, “I really don’t want your hands on the pot.”
“I was only trying to help.”
Me, “Stillâ¦you can’t touch the pot.”
He’s a player, been around, not a regular but someone that comes in at tournament time. Honestly what was he thinking? He couldn’t have been thinkingâ¦that’s one of the biggest sins of all time, a player putting their hands in/on the pot.
*****
I deal for weeks without getting involved in the conversation or opening my mouth other than directing traffic and then I go off the wall and out of line with too much talk and smart ass noise. A $15-30 H game and I went into Super Lip Mode. As I came around with the second down card, the 9s had a 4-H laying face up in front of him. I did not see the card flip or flash when I dealt it. I asked, “Did I expose that card?”
He replied, “It hit my hand and turned up.”
The 10s sided with the 9s’s comment and my mouth went into gear before my brain was prepared to stop it, “Then keep your damn hands out of the way,” as I gave him a replacement card.
I started laughing. The 10s was chuckling as he said he’d never heard a dealer do that before. The 9s knew I was kidding and he took it quite well. I have always wanted to say that to a player and it just popped out of my mouth. But why did I say it? Is there some latent childhood freak show running through my brain that manifests itself in ‘smart ass mode’ when I’m supposed to be serious and professional?
I did it again a few hours later. Another $15-30 H game. A woman I’ve dealt to infrequently over the years took the 10s. She’s got the laid back, real world, lusty kind of look about her and I know she’s not offended by too much of anythingâ¦otherwise I think I could have hit the brake on my mouth and truly concentrated on being a professional. The rest of the game was a group of guys that were jabbing each other, flinging chips, table talking, and in general just gee-hawing. The boys on the right hand side of the table kept drop kicking me into the conversation – even if I tried to stay out it, it wasn’t going to work. Each pot was max raked and I always put an extra five blue chips in the pot instead of shipping it to the winner with one blue in it, it has six. Pretty standard.
The 9s, a frisky looking kid, asked, “Linda, are you putting extra blues in each pot? Do you want bigger tips?”
Woopsâ¦mouth brake failure alert!!!! I instantly queried, “Did you say bigger tits or bigger tips?”
The table went nutz-z-z. The 10s busted up and said, “If she doesn’t get bigger tips, she can’t afford bigger tits!”
They were a lot of fun. On to the rest of the night. I spent most of it laughing my ass off. I don’t know why. I hadn’t taken any drugs or giggle juiceâ¦just on a high that can only be found without looking for itâ¦high on life.