The night from hell, specially prepared by the Card Fairy’s evil cousin, Cardz. Cardz is an abomination that makes sure everything that could go wrong does. Cardz was out and about, running here and there, wreaking havoc at every table I sat down at…why me? I’m still trying to find the answer.

My first game was $40-80 7 Card Stud. New set-up, spread a fresh deck, “Double antes for Time please.” Take time, deal the first hand. As I pull the deck together, Cardz literally snapped a card up out of the deck and it fell on the floor to my left. The player next to me stated, “There’s a card down.”

Like…NO SHIT! I look down to two cards on the floor. Same player asks, “Do you count the deck?”

“Yes!” as I’m counting down to 53 cards. Whoopppppeeeee! I look at Jimmy S. in the 3s and ask, “Did you count those with me?” as he watched my hands. He shook his head no.

I recount, 53 cards. Change the deck and the game goes on, the rack is down $15. Don’t worry, I only hit one table during the night that the rack was right on…all the rest of them were up $20 or down $25 or some such nonsense that just adds extra stress to the art of dealing. Each dealer I pushed never told me the rack was one way or the other…they probably didn’t even count it. I reported the difference to a supervisor each time.

I hit table 19, $30-60 Holdem, announced, “Six for time please,” collected the time, brought in a new set up, the rack was down, reported that, scrambled and as I dealt, Steve in the 8s laughed and made a comment about me being so slow…he’s a ‘friendly’. He then asked me if they piped sound into the card room to make it so noisy that we can’t hear anything.

I replied, “Bose was commissioned to put their dynamic sound system coils all through the room so each sound would be amplified and we’d eventually go crazy with it!” *laughter*

I got through that game and onto $15-30 Holdem. They were ramming and jamming, double clutching and down shifting for the curves as they threw in every chip they could…Jim was in the 9s and having a horrible time. Every time he made a hand in a huge pot, someone else made a bigger hand. I’ve never seen him as frustrated as he was and to top it off, when the next dealer came up behind me, he looked at her and exclaimed, “Get her out of here!”

I was startled by that comment…but that’s poker. The dealer asked me if we were having fun yet. I replied, “I usually do. I can’t have a bad day just because they are playing poker.”

My next game was a doozy. $400-800 mixed. The 3s and I’ve had a few words when I’ve dealt to him on other occasions and tonight was no exception. Everyone else had $100 chips on the table and he had three $5,000 chips. He’d been playing for awhile and it would have been quite easy for him to get a chip change or to get chips from one of the other players but…Cardz must have been snooping this game too and put the bug in the 3s’s ear that I was on the way.

The first hand of Deuce to 7, the 3s and Meng La – 7s, went to war with three bets before the first draw. The only chips in action was the $5,000 and twelve $100 chips in front of Meng La. The 3s instructed me to put his $5,000 chip in front of Meng La.

“Why? Whatever he has in front of him is what plays on the piece!”

I received a grunted, “Ok!”

Meng La won the hand, $3,600 on the piece. The 3s was convinced that he only owed $3,500. Wow! I know my math ain’t what it should be at times but how do you get an odd $100 in a game structure of even bets? It took two other players to convince him.

It ended up being the 3s and Meng La in every hand of Deuce and they were jamming. The final…Meng La won the pot and the 3s owed $2,800 on the piece. I clearly stated, “$2,800 – you have $2,200 coming!” as I started to count out the $100 chips in front of Meng La.

The 3s barked, “Just give all the chips to him.”

I stopped. He continued, “You are trying to give me $1,200.”

I said, “No, I was trying to give you $2,200,” as I pushed all the chips to Meng La and Meng La counted out $2,200.

The 3s snorted, “You’re a liar.”

I looked directly at him with a cold stare and said, “No! I am not a liar.”

He wouldn’t give me eye contact…he took two more hands and left the table in a huff. No one stood in my defense in this game – but why would they. They had him right where they wanted him, stuck and steaming.

My next game was $2-5 blind NLH. LeiLei was in the 2s and a guy she’d gone to dinner with the night before was in the 9s. They carried on a private conversation across the noise and insanity of the table. Everyone was talking – the game was at a standstill and there was no way to move it along. Thanks a lot Cardz…you jerk!

Every game I’ve ever dealt with LeiLei in it is a nightmare. She’s nice and friendly but her breasts proceed her in every thing she does and she makes sure they are the focal point of everyone. The game is at a standstill as she commands the show.

A seat opened. The 10s informed me there was a seat open. I said, “I know. My Brush Person is not at the Podium and until they are, there’s no reason to call it.”

We now have a feeder game that feeds all the other games – it changes all the time…new day, new rule. And we were going to get a player because we were not the ‘feeder game’. One arrived, just as I was finishing the down. He took the 6s. The button was in the 8s. I asked him if he knew what his options were…rather I yelled it because no one could hear anything anyway. He said, “No!”

The 10s informed me he was from a must move game. I replied, “Yes! I know.”

I proceeded to explain that he could come in for free right now or wait one full round for the button to pass him and come in for free.

The 10s informed me, again, that he was from a must move game and didn’t have to post.

My voice got louder, “I didn’t say he had to post. This is not my first day. And I’m trying to explain his options to him.”

Cardz don’t ever drift into the parking lot when I’m on my way home…I’ll wring your silly little neck.

I tried again, with the same statement of coming in for free. The 10s jumped in again, “He doesn’t have to post.”

This time, as I stood up, I yelled, “I didn’t say he had to post.”

I was wondering if I could drop kick the 10s into the casino and do it before anyone could stop me…

I had lost it an hour ago, it just took until now to show up. I hit another $30-$60 game and spread a deck out of the well, turned it face down and found a green card in a brown deck. Frustration to the max, I yelled, “Boba, I need a set-up!”

He came over with the new set-up and told me quietly to watch my tone. He was right! I apologized to him later.

My next game – $80-160 Holdem with a snotty little Asian in the 2s that tried to run over the game with 6 high and when he missed a straight or didn’t make a pair, just couldn’t believe that he hadn’t won a hand with me. Hell…I’ll fall for it. I can’t believe it either.

He too had the $5,000 chip thing going on and once I tried to give him back the wrong change. I apologized to him and the player that won the pot. That wasn’t good enough! He lectured me for five minutes about how I shouldn’t apologize to the other player, I was supposed to apologize to the player that I tried to ‘cheat’ out of the right change. I never said a word because if I had, I might have lost my job…hey…that’s a thought!

The bright spot of the night was that while I was dealing the one and only $4-8 holdem game of my night, my friend, Murph, stopped by for a minute. We visited briefly between the push on 26 and 27. How nice to see a friendly smile in a sea of Cardzs.

The $4-8 was the only low limit game I dealt…it wasn’t much fun either…and yes, the rack was down in that game too.

Some days I wonder if I’m in the right profession…