What if you woke up in a poker game to find that you were the slum lord of the sick and twisted, suspicious and stupid poker players? Would you just give in to all that gut twisting mental anguish and give up control your kingdom, siding with your subjects on any issue against a dealer or the house. Or would you try to fight it off and improve your little piece of real estate so other war mongers and freaks would not be welcome there?

The foundation for the questions:

I tapped Thai out of Table 2. All seats except the 3s had chips/players at them but the only game going on was between Tab – 4s, and Larry – 8s. Larry won the hand and Tab picked up five of his cards and threw them into Thai’s chest. All the cards did the, “Woops! Gravity got me,” thing and fell to the floor.

Carmen was trying to return from her break and walked by. I yelled, “Carmen, cards down on two!”

Carmen turned around and demanded, “Where did they come from?”

Both Thai and I pointed to Tab. Carmen told Tab that he could not throw his cards. Tab made excuses for himself by stating that the dealer kept lifting the card before he dealt it each time…he even went into the hand motion.

Carmen informed him that whatever the case may be with the dealer. He, Tab, “Could not throw things!”

Table two sets up against the wall in the High Limit Section. Larry had the entrance to the Dealer’s Box blocked off on the right side of the table by a spare chair that he puts his legs up on.

Ralph P. was in the 1s and he had the entrance/exit to the Dealer’s Box blocked on the left side because his chair was tipped back to the wall. A pogo stick would have been nice here.

Thai stood up, leaving the cards laying on the floor, and touched the back of Ralph’s chair with, “Excuse me!”

Ralph jumped right down his throat, “Don’t touch me!” and refused to move his chair.

It was a stand off. Ralph refused to move even though Thai asked again and told Ralph he didn’t touch him.

Ralph barked, “Yes you did!” and sat there.

Carmen had disappeared, Lisa was the Relief Brush, and I would have liked to walk across the street and called in sick. I did something that went like this, “Carmen, can you help us out here?”

Even though she wasn’t around, Ralph decided he would straighten his chair up and we were able to switch places. Now how childish do you have to get to be a Slum Lord?

I bent down, picked up all five cards and threw them face up on the table. I declared, “Time Pot!” Pulled out the new deck, spread it, and shuffled up to deal.

Larry jumped in with, “No! No time pot,” as he went into bargaining for $400-$800 7 Card Stud.

The game was really $800-$1,600 Mixed but Renee was on a break and no one wanted to play until he returned. Ralph – 1s, was sitting out but at the table, Renee – 2s, absent, 3-s open, Tab – 4s, and having a fit about the last dealer, Cuckoo – 5s, The Elko Kid, Jason L. – 7s, dining but at the table with a missed blind button, 8 -s Larry, ready to play and bargaining for any game.

Cuckoo and Larry decided they would play $400-$800 7 card stud while they waited for Renee to return. Tab kept talking about the last dealer and how he exposed/lifted each card before he dealt.

Ralph stated that that must be the reason that Bellagio had a such a bad reputation…”because of dealers like him.”

Get the gag here and get ready to tie my mouth shut…where the hell are these people coming from? Oh yes, the Slum Lords are having a meeting and they want to control their section.

About three hands later, Larry makes trip Jacks on the River and Cuckoo locks and loads his throwing arm with his losing hand. He hits me in the stomach with four of his cards with this statement, “That’s why we throw cards.”

I’m spewing, “Don’t throw your cards at me.”

As he throws the other three into my stomach and I’m repeating, “DON’T THROW YOUR CARDS AT ME.”

Let’s do a little multiple guess here on ‘That’s why we throw cards.’

(a) Because I’m an idiot and I can’t take a beat.

(b) Because Larry won the hand.

(c) Because Linda’s dealing.

(d) Because if I lose tonight, I might have to consider work.

(e) All of the above but mostly A.

Cuckoo then jumped up and went to play on Table 1…I’d just gone through there, it was a $400-$800 Mixed Game…but he left some chips on Table 2 because he was going to come back when Renee returned.

About five minutes before the end of my down, Renee returned. Ralph, Tab, and Renee discussed playing 7 Card Stud or playing the games in order. Ralph wanted to wait. Larry reappeared. Cuckoo came over and took his blind. The game was Omaha 8 or Better.

Not to worry, when I left the table, Cuckoo was whining like a whelped Slum Lord, “It’s always the same fucking thing…” Tears, sobs, whines, gutteral swearing…

Shoot! Hope I don’t see you there! I’d rather see you where real people live and breathe and don’t base their lives and existence on a poker game.