Marty C. – same old noise and rushing air, only it was too funny. When I stood behind the departing dealer, the dealer looked over his shoulder at me and growled, “You’re going to love these guys.”

They heard him. Really sets the mood for me to take a seat…plus the departing dealer had slowed the game down to a crawl. It took him at least two minutes to finish the last hand and every move was exaggerated.

Mark was in the 3s and he’s always very chipper and easy to deal to – he welcomed me with a big smile and “hello”.

The 7s was a total stranger and so slow in his play that he took extra time to look at his cards and the board before he acted on every card dealt.

A. J. was in the 8s and he’s very dealer friendly to me.

As soon as my butt hit the chair, Marty started chirping, “She never deals me a hand. I can’t win when she deals. She’s dealt me four winners in 10 years.”

Mark was all out belly laughing and it made me laugh – that just fired up Marty’s rant and roll.

Then the 7s won three hands back to back, Marty went off, “See, she deals to the 7s. She always does. I’ve noticed it before when she’s dealing.”

Mark was laughing so hard, he was having a hard time staying in his chair. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Marty continued, “One other time, she dealt to the 7s and all I got was the low card, every time.”

A. J. said, “It really is unfortunate. If you want to file a complaint, there’s a box back there,” as he motioned over his shoulder at the garbage can.

Marty barely stopped long enough to suck air. When I had five minutes left of my down, he told me deal him out…he would wait for the next dealer.

A. J. gave him a little heat about sitting out when he’s paying time. I really did love those guys. I laughed all the way through the down.

******

On the other side of poker…

I always find this to be very humorous: “Linda, you’ve got your work cut out for you here!” or “You won’t believe this one!” or something that implies this is going to be the most unusual game I’ve ever dealt in 24 years.

I usually hear this when entering a $1-$5 Stud game or a $4-$8 Holdem game. I just can’t help but smile because the speaker has probably never seen anything like it, hence assuming the same goes for the rest of the world.

Sometimes I play the game, “This is my first day so take it easy on me, ok?”

Sometimes I do the Twisted Bitch take on it, dryly inquiring, “Gee, after three or four zillion poker hands, how many do you think I haven’t seen?”

This I never find to be humorous:

1) Poker lessons at the table, given by any player.

2) Hashing and re-running the play of a hand – how they got there, how they figured it out – “would a raise have made a difference” – “what did you put him on?” – “if you were dead would you have played the hand?” ok…just kidding on that part but at times it would seem a fair question after all the others.

3) A veteran player that is so miserable they have to make new players miserable too.

Too bad someone doesn’t invent a misery meter. You could shove it down someone’s throat to test their misery level and post it on a reader board in the poker room. It might even turn into an event…a banquet and prize for the winner every year.