I called in for first break tonight, as I was trying to figure out how the maniacs on the freeways ever make it home alive, and managed to make it into the room with a few minutes to spare…just before 7 p.m.

I started on 30B. That’s the ‘aghhh, shit, hell’ of Poker Dealer World because that means I’m heading straight up into ‘no man’s land’, the place we don’t make much money and the games are huge, the place that everyone that plays low limit goes home and tells their friends and families about it and no one believes it.

The game was $2,000-$4,000 Mixed. The players: David G. – 1s, Gus H. – 2s, Phil I, – 3s, Doyle B., – 4s, Chip R, – 7s, Minh, – 8s. A little and a lot of gambling going on. Chip had missed his blind for the Board Games and had an Orange Button in front of him, only problem was…he was on his cell phone and had his arm laying over the Button. I managed to deal him out, several hands, but he kept putting his hand out as if he expected to be dealt in.

I finally laughed and said, “You’re trying to bluff me, aren’t you?”

He looked at me…around his cell phone conversation.

I said, “I know you have a Missed Blind button but you have it hidden and you keep reaching for a card each time I deal.”

He chuckled and replied, “I think I’m supposed to be dealt in,” as he pushed the Orange Button out in front of him.

Gus and Phil did most of the ramming and jamming during the first part of my down and then the game moved to multi-way action during the last few minutes I was at the table.

Of course the Shuffle Master ‘burped and spit’ the last hand I dealt. It does a little ‘blip/burp’ kind of thing and the lid jumps, then it sets there until someone opens it, cleans out it’s belly, and puts the cards back in the ‘shuffle side’. It’s momentary but it always slows the game down a little.

My next game was Table 3, a $60-$120 Holdem game. The 1s worked for the Siegfried and Roy Show, as a stage person, and the 6s had gone to the final performance, the one where the Tiger took Roy off the stage. The whole conversation was interesting and spooky for me…not something I would ever want to watch.
I hit the $10-$20 Omaha 8 or Better with a Half Kill within the next two hours.

Amazing as it may seem, this game also picks up quite a few new players. Omaha 8 or Better is not your average, run of the mill game, especially in a limit over $2-$4 or $6-$12, so it’s interesting to find new faces.

The 10s has been playing for close to a week, he’s from Florida. He called a River bet that left him with no playable chips…he had a few $1 and $5 chips but no $10 chips in front of him. He pulled out $200 and I quietly informed him that $200 was a short buy-in for the game and he was allowed one.

I got a little flack from the 6 and 7s. They went with, “It’s all right!”

I said, “No…It isn’t all right, just let me do my job.”

The 10s was a little blustery and did a small trip on ‘not short of money but short on brains’.

I believe he’d been buying short all along and no one had said anything to him. My intent was to inform him that he could have one short buy-in for that limit, so he would know what to expect, not to embarrass or harass him. Our rule is one short buy-in in an eight-hour period. No short buy-ins in games under $10-$20 Limit.

I honestly feel that if the local players would just be quiet, the visitor would never have a problem with house rule. And what if someone else at the table has a problem with the visitor buying in short for the limit and I, as the dealer, don’t make a statement? I have no win here, but at least let me do what I’m supposed to do. Let me make a mistake before you jump in and correct me…PUH…LEASE!!!!

I got through this down and a few more. Then I dealt the dullest, deadest, most horrible, ‘watch paint dry’ for a half hour, $1-$5 Seven Card Stud game that I’ve ever seen at Bellagio.

The only good part of it was that they were watching Table 1 for ‘The Stars’.

Every now and then I get a ‘red flag’ from someone about a post that’s been made about me on the internet, either in a newsgroup or on another poker forum. Sometimes I take the time to go read the thread and other times I just let it slide past like tears in the rain…I can’t catch the tears and keep them as individuals, separated from the raindrops, so why bother with a post, on a thread, that runs forever into nonsensical crap that I don’t care about.

First, keep in mind that I have set a standard for a poker site that’s not like any other poker site on the internet. You can cruise all of them and they either mimic the last site, or they’re trying to sell something, or they want you to sign onto a casino or online poker site from their site so they can earn income from it. It’s only been the last few months that I even placed an ad on my site and it’s not a flashy, screaming banner, so I’m not interested in the hype, the $$$$, or the all mighty public consensus on what I do or don’t do.

Don’t like this site? Get the hell out of here and go read somewhere else, where all the little kiddies pat each other on the back and tell each other how cute and wonderful they are, intermingled with who they’d like to bang, slam, kill, smoke, stuff, etc. That’s grade school.

Some of the posters on other sites feel that I’ve given up privileged information about a guest that plays in the poker room. Absolutely untrue!!!! I have never stated what a person won or lost in the room unless the whole room was talking about it. Many times I’ve been asked if someone was a winning player or a losing player and my reply is, “I wouldn’t know. I deal for a half hour and if they win when I deal, they may have been losing before I got there.”

Other times I’ve been asked how much someone won or lost, I’ve replied that I have no idea. When it comes to ‘the big game’, I’ve dealt games where someone told me they just heard a 22-year old girl beat a banker from Texas out of $5,000,000. Everyone in the room knew it which means everyone in the world that’s anyone to the players in the room will hear about it…it’s huge, startlingly, incredible news, since most of us will never even know what it’s like to have $5,000,000 all at once. But if I mention anything about it, I’m out of line?

As far as stating what happens in a game, yes, I do. I write about poker. I write about what happens in the normal, every day run of poker, the hands, the players, the events, the fun, the pain, the absolute insanity, and the human nature side of poker. I’m not mean or condescending to anyone, other than J.C.P., Sam G., and Mike D., (if you stop and think about it, out of the zillions of people I’ve dealt to, it’s pretty amazing that there are only three that have hit the ‘nonhuman list’ with me).

So after reading some posts, the news is that if the poster ever plays in a game I deal, I will be STIFFED, because I write about the human side of poker. Stiffed! Oh, my God! This is something that’s never happened to me before…in a poker room, of course. You mean I’m going to be deprived of receiving a gratuity? Shocking! Scary! Earth shattering news!

Right now, on a daily basis, I’m dealing to a lot of new faces and new ideas that have erupted in the card room in low limit games. They have been watching the WPT. They have been playing poker online. They’re now surfacing in the card rooms. They will be moving up – they like the game, I like them.

I do my best to handle them with kid gloves, take the time to explain what the blind is, never bark at them or make them feel uncomfortable and keep them interested in poker. They are ‘stiffing’ me because they don’t know that tipping is part of the process. I never flinch or act wounded or make a comment to them…I don’t want them to leave.

While I train them to play the game, and they may be your bread and butter at some point, make sure you stiff me, OK? I’ll do my best to keep a game running and help you make your living, but make sure you stiff me because I write about poker! And if you think ‘stiffing’ me is going to make me change anything, you’re wrong.

Everything changes…poker is coming up, out of the secretive darkness, into the world of light where everyone sees it, talks about it, writes about it, watches it, and plays it. I’m ready for it to happen, are you?

********

A funny part of poker: $15-$30 Holdem, the 1s played and lost a hand. The following hand the bet was raised and the 1s called with A-7 off suit. The Flop was K-7-3. A 7 popped off on the Turn. The initial raiser checked and called a bet from the 1s on the Turn and River.

The 1s showed his hand and explained that he wouldn’t have called the raise except that he lost the previous hand.

I said, “Steam!”

He asked, “What?”

I said, “Steam!”

He said, “Yes, I was over boiled.”

There’s a lot of conjecture going on right now about whether or not I’m in hot water with management, if I got the word from someone about something, and a lot of posts on other internet forums/sites about ‘what’s going on?’ with me and the reasons I’m not running any posts about ‘the big game’. I’m not in hot water, I did not get ‘the word from management’, and I don’t care to discuss my reasons right now. Maybe another time…for now, let’s proceed with poker and the play of the game.

*******

I whisked through Friday night like a hot knife through butter, even slid through a session of $2,000-$4,000 Mixed on table 1 that was pretty funny. Chau was in the 8s and appeared to be extremely tired but he was funny.

Gus H. was in the 7s, running back and forth to table 7 to visit with Shaun, talking about sports bets and then off to the Sports Book and a mad dash back to the table so he could check out his hand. Chau and Gus had a little running conversation going on, as did Shaun and Gus, and Gus was still blasting chips into the pot for most of my down.

Gus and Chau started a heads-up war in one hand and Chau slammed a raise on Gus’s bet, Chau said, “Throw your hand away. I got you beat.”

Gus gave him a quizzical look and asked, “Are you bluffing me?”

Chau said, “No! I never bluff a buddy.”

Gus threw his hand away and Chau asked, “Never bluff a buddy…right, Linda?” He had a Dennis the Menace twinkle in his eye and started laughing.
I said, “Right!”

Then Chau broke into a roar and said, “Yeah, right. Never bluff a buddy.”

I asked, “Did you play all night, Chau?”

He said, “These guys gonna be here? If they are, I play all night, Linda!” followed by more laughter, mine and his now.

The hot knife hit a rock in the butter when I got to table 6. It was $10-$20 Omaha 8 or Better with a Kill and felt like landmines were everywhere, spread out across the seats, just little explosions waiting to happen and they did.

As soon as my butt hit the chair, the 1s asked for a set-up. I called for one. Jay was in the 5s and he stated that this wasn’t a time game so we didn’t need a set-up, unless some one had asked for one.

I said someone did. He wanted to know who and I nodded towards the 1s as I scrambled and shuffled the deck. He chuckled and commented that the local table captain, Jim, wasn’t there, and that would be the only person Jay could think of that would have asked for one.

There were a few locals in the game but mostly visitors. The game was hopping. Double A. was in the 8s and pretty quiet.

The 2s, had been playing in the room the last few days, was slamming and jamming and playing almost every hand, had quite a few chips in front of him, a sweater behind him and talked it up when he played a hand.

It took me a few minutes of calling to get a setup and finally the game seemed to settle down for a moment. But just when I thought it was back to the hot knife through butter, after I’d dealt all the hands out, and the Flop was up, I knew by the feel of the Stub that a card was missing.

I couldn’t see any odd cards laying anywhere around the drinks, the chips, or anyplace else that cards shouldn’t be and my plan was to finish the hand, claim that the deck was bad and just change it…then call for a setup again within a few minutes due to another bad card. Sure…it’s like a lie but I chose to do that rather than cause a big stink and then create problems with the whole game, people wondering how long a card has been missing, everyone’s in an uproar believing they lost the last hand because a card was missing, and a bunch of other things that just wreck a game.

Not to worry, it surfaced immediately, in a circumstance that I hate to see happen to anyone that plays poker. Double A. and the 10s were heads up; on the River, Double A turned up his hand and started to say, “I’ve got…” he spread his cards and finished with “five cards.” It was sick. He had quite a bit of money in the pot.

Before I could say anything, the 6s exclaimed, “He’s got a dead hand!”
I said, “Just let me call for a decision.”

The 6s continued, “Everyone knows his hand is dead.”

I said, “I can’t make that decision, let me call for a Floor Person.”

Double A. shook his head and pushed his cards in to be mucked.
There were a few exclamations and noises around the table and the game went on.
It turned into a Kill Pot for the 10s. He was 2nd under the gun and raised.

I said, “Raise!”

The 1s folded, the 2s put in $15, and the 3 and 4s threw their hand away. Everyone informed the 2s that it was raised and he tried to take back his $15 and throw his hand away. I told him he had to leave the $15 and could fold or he could put in $30 and play the hand. His hand was in front of him and not close to the muck so it was completely retrievable.

He had a fit, something like, “You should have said it was raised, you didn’t say anything.”

I said, “Yes I did. I called the raise.”

He continued his argument and wanted a decision. I called for one.

Jay told him that the reason he would be forced to leave the $15 was because players had acted behind him.

The 2s argued and we waited for a decision.

On a funny note, Jay said, “Getting a decision is worth it in this room because it’s a free roll.”

When the Floor arrived, I started to state what had happened and the 2s jumped in, arguing loudly and cutting me off. I said, “Wait a minute and let me explain what happened.”

The Floor said he had to hear from the dealer first. The 2s exclaimed, “Go ahead and tell your side.”

I looked at him, shaking my head in disbelief, and said, “I don’t have a side!”

That brought a laugh from some of the players, but it’s true. I don’t have a side, it’s not a war or issue with me, it’s a house rule.

The decision was that he would leave the $15 and throw away his hand or put in $15 more and play it. He elected to play it but continued a few more statements about the fact that I should have said raise and I shouldn’t have let the other players fold before he had called $15 and the nice part of it was the 3 and 4s both told him to ‘leave the dealer alone…it wasn’t her fault’, and the Floor Person stood there for a moment forcing him to drop the issue.

The last hand I dealt, Double A played to the River and got called, when he spread his hand, he said, “I’m afraid to spread the cards, I might have five again.”

He won the pot, I left the game, stopped behind him for a moment and told him I was sorry. He said, “It’s not your fault. I’m supposed to know how many cards I have.”
Love this guy and his attitude.

Then I was out the door, TGIF.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, clear your mind of anything and everything that’s perplexing, count slowly to three, exhale…now you’re ready to proceed.

Table 24, $4-$8 Holdem, only one player at the table is a local, James, 10s. All the rest are young, brawny, healthy guys except for the 4s and the 9s.

The 4s is very attractive in a sultry sort of way, pouting, full lips, somewhere in her late 30’s or early 40’s would be my guess. She’s wearing a flimsy, t-strap, black top that is cut down almost to her navel and most of her chest is bare. Use your imagination with it, not overly firm but still appealing and a certain, ‘I can hurt you and you’re going to like it’ kind of attitude.

The 9s was a little beauty queen, barely looked 20…that fresh, startling appeal like discovering a vibrant, scarlet flower that’s blooming in a bed of grey rock and barren desert.
The 4 and 9s were connected. No one knew how for sure. They didn’t look like sisters or like a mother/daughter duo but it’s hard to tell in this day and age.

The 1s was rambunctious, having a little fun and trying to flirt with Courtney, one of our drink servers. He was failing miserably as she was all business and after she walked away, he asked, “Is she married?”

I said, “Hey, that’s your job…find out on your own.”

He mumbled something about being bashful…

The 2s opened and our new player was a million pounds of bundled energy, stressed to the max to suck up every ounce of life he could in the next minute or blow, packaged in the form of a good looking, young, black, male body. He checked the 4s right out and asked if she was married. Her reply was no.

The 1 and 2s saw Courtney walk by the table and they both did a little ‘guy dialogue’ on “Wonder if that one’s married?”
The 4s did a spin that even I couldn’t believe. She jumped out of her chair and pointed to the 2s as she exclaimed, “I’m sick of your sexist remarks and your sexually lewd comments!”
I thought I’d really missed something here. I asked, “What happened?”

She pointed to the 2s, “He just keeps making comments to me and every woman that’s walked by. I can’t stand that sexist attitude.”

Now Dave, our Front Brush rushed to the Damsel in distress, ready to defend her from the ‘baddies’ that had her upset. Couldn’t be because her whole chest was exposed could it? No…it’s because he always pays extra, special attention to any woman under 40.

She demanded to the 9s to pick up her chips, they were leaving. She told Dave to cash her out. Dave did a little bit of foot shuffling, slipping in and out of gear…mainly out…the transmission was losing teeth in the shift…as he tried to make her happy and look like he was defending her.

I interjected, “Dave, nobody said anything out of line.”

All the guys jumped in to second that thought. Dave picked up her chips and walked her to the Cashier’s Cage…the Little Darling in the 9s picked up her chips and left also. The boys were glum about the 9s leaving and the conjecture started about what their relationship to each other was.

Dave walked back by and gave the boys one more finger wagging, “Gentlemen, let’s behave.”

I countered with, “Dave!!!! No one did anything out of line.”

James, 10s, exclaimed, “You mean the woman that had her breasts exposed to the table is upset over a sexist remark?
We all roared.

Yes…it’s like ‘look at me, I’m showing off my boobies, but don’t make any comment or expect me to be on show here’. Which brings me to the beginning…or possibly the end of something that I find to be quite irritating.

Poker has been hidden in dark corners, basements, someone’s home once a week, illegal games and legal games. It’s always appeared that poker is the ghetto of a casino. Many casinos won’t even waste their time with a poker room because poker isn’t a money maker. Please…let’s not get into the fact that players also play in the pit, their wives play slots while the player is in a game, etc. Stop trying to figure that the drop is whatever per hour because that would mean the game has to run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, day in and day out and most poker rooms do not have that kind of action so it’s easier and more profitable to roll in the slot machines than it is to try to fade poker.

Suddenly poker is ‘big’. It’s on TV. Women players are being featured in all kinds of magazines and other media.

The WPT, along with other Television specials, has elevated poker, lifted it to a revered status where everyone wants to be part of it, play it, read about it, and hopefully reap the rewards of winning and being able to brush elbows with every ‘Name Brand’ player in the playing arena.

Here we have ‘the group’. The name brand players that have now reached a celebrity status…they have ‘exposed their breasts’ to the world but they don’t want anyone to know anything about them or expect anyone to be able to step into the privacy of a poker game they play in a casino.

Anyone can stand on the rail or drift by and see some of what’s going on. Anyone can write a tale, or post on numerous newsgroups and forums on the internet, about someone they saw or heard about in a poker game. New and old players get a kick out of being able to say they saw, Jennifer or Doyle or Johnny or Phil or Ted or Daniel…the list goes on and on…and to say they know something of the game play or lifestyle is a big rush for the teller.

For some reason, a random reporter or ‘noise maker’ can tell a tale but I, on the other hand, an employee of a major poker room in Nevada, receive a condescending tone from many posters, that I should be fired for writing about poker from the people side of it.

Take a short intermission here…have you figured out by now that I have a stemmed glass in my hand? If so, good for you. Maybe you should get one. The bitch is on a rant again. I know some of you literally love The Bitch. That’s why you’re here. Some of you are so twisted that you have to keep coming back just to marvel that I have the guts to write the things I write about.

I believe in the truth. I believe in telling it like it is. I do not believe that Johnny Moss or Stu Ungar or a lot of big name players were/are “Great players!” I want to puke when I hear that. I’ve had them throw cards at my chest and mumble all the swear words they could find when they lost a hand…so, they’re great when they win????? But when they lose it’s got to be someone else’s fault? Pshaw!

End of intermission.

Now that poker’s hit the Big Time, it’s reportable, it’s writable, it’s news. For someone to win, someone has to lose. That’s the way the game is played. Now if anyone’s going on Television or a magazine or newspaper gig, can they really look a reporter in the eye and state, “I’m a winner!” because my next question would be, “Define winner?” Hell, there are so many twists and answers to that…I can’t find enough wine tonight to get me through that one.

So back to the twist that has caused a wrinkle in my grey matter. Why would anyone that plays at Bellagio, think they should never have their name appear on the internet in a post or a written dissertation about what really happened while they were playing? If I worked at a newspaper office and found out the Editor was a wife beating, child molester, even I was a janitor, should I just let that slide because I worked there? Why should I be fired for reporting the news?

The President couldn’t have a discreet affair so why should you, the player think that your actions in a casino aren’t open to scrutiny and reportable?

The World is a sponge, ready to suck up ‘anything poker’…they have inquiring minds, they want to know about the game, about the people that play high limit, about the stars on TV, about the people that work in the industry, and where and when the next Big Game is being played.

If you play and think no one is entitled to know anything about you…start your own game, lock your game in a hole in the ground…otherwise, come up for air, Sunshine…poker is Big and I’m going to help turn a snowball into an avalanche.
I may be down but I’m not out and the referee hasn’t finished the count…