Somebody opened Pandora’s Box in the poker room. All the little Grumble Bugs, Argue Mites, and Swear Beatles got loose and infected a lot of players, maybe some of the staff too, but the staff didn’t make any more noise than usual.

The whole room was a screaming mad house, players waiting to sign in, people going in and out to the tournament area, dealers coming in for Swing shift, satellites and the tournament running in the pit right outside the room, cocktails, and chip runners…HELP!…we need a traffic controller in here!

Back to the Bugs, Mites, and Beatles. I walked out of the room, into the Sports Book, heading for the restroom, to see Dino, (a low limit player that drinks too much, has the most sarcastic sense of humor of anyone I know, and never shuts up about any subject he feels is important which is mainly berating everyone within hearing distance), motioning to me. I walked over and he asked, “How’d you do playing yesterday?”

Almost before I could answer, he asked, “You know what happened to me?”

I said, “No.”

He went into, “I got into a game and the ugliest lady I’ve ever seen was already there playing.

She said, “I take money from men.”

He scratched his face and waited, looking at me like I was really supposed to be appreciating the fact that he was talking to me.

His reply to her was, “You are the ugliest lady I’ve ever seen.”

It’s slightly humorous that he calls her a lady while he’s telling her she’s ugly…or is that just my sick sense of humor?

He shook his head in disbelief as he asked, “Can you believe she wanted a floor person called and I got kicked out for the day?”

I laughed.

Then he said, “Go look at her, she’s on table 15, wearing green.”

I laughed at him as I left. Must be a Grumble Bug’s work.

I started on 42 Break, going into Table 1 at 7:30. Tables 31 through 42 are in the pit/tournament area. I walked out of the poker room, right into Steve, (my last post), he was pacing back and forth, in a little tiz. He stopped me with, “You haven’t been sending in emails about me, telling them I’m hard on dealers, have you?” he motioned to the poker room.

I wanted to laugh but he was seriously distressed so I said, “No. If I have a problem with you at the table, I just call for a decision. You know that.”

He went on to explain that he had been playing earlier and the dealer had no clue what she was doing so he’d been trying to help her. Some of this got a little distorted as he hopped from one sentence to the next like he needs his hard drive defragmented. Someone or the dealer didn’t like it, called the floor person, an argument ensued, he was told to pick up his chips and leave for the day.

He felt that he wasn’t out of line and that Debbie C., the Supervisor on days, had treated him unfairly. It was an Argue Mite at work here.

I told him to talk to Suzie and see what she knew, he said he was waiting for her but she was really busy right now. Speaking of Suzie, she called me from the Tournament area and wanted to know if I’d push into Table 42, a mistake had been made in the line-up. I left Steve to his pacing and went to deal a No Limit Holdem Satellite for tomorrow’s event.

After a break, I hit Table 1. They were playing $300-$600 Mixed Games but I got there for the last few hands of Omaha 8 or Better and then into the Deuce to 7 Triple Draw segment. Jimmy G. – 1s, Jim – 2s, Brian N. – 3s, Tommy – 4s, Eli E. – 5s, Mike W. – 7s.

No one was happy…I was but they didn’t care about me.

Chips and cards were flying, the Shuffle Master was down so I had to shuffle.

Tommy was fit to be tied, literally. After we got into the Deuce segment, he did the ‘super splat’, with all five of his cards dying from brain damage when they hit the green felt, after he gave up on the 2nd draw. He wanted a deck change. I had to call for a decision.

Normally, in games without the Shuffle Master, we change the deck on request except in ‘time’ games. In those games, a new deck is brought in every half hour. It keeps the game from slowing down with all the players that feel a new deck will change their luck, and keep requesting the change.

Since the Shuffle Master was sick, or out to lunch, or broken, or overworked, or whatever it is that happens to Shuffle Masters, the decision was ‘no’ on the deck change. That didn’t go over worth a damn with Tommy either.

During all the hub-bub, card zinging, chip slinging, anguish by everyone, Jimmy kept talking it up in my left ear, making comments that I needed to deal him a winner, ‘come on, Linda, concentrate’, and a few million other statements along with singing, doing a drum roll with his fingers on the table top, asking me what the song was that he used to sing at The Mirage when I dealt to him, etc.
He wanted me to scramble the deck, only in a certain way, because it was lucky for him.

I had to scramble for Tommy too, because he didn’t get the deck change. I did a ‘V’ spread with the cards and then crossed them with each other to make sure they all got mixed, but I could only do it with my left hand, in a clockwise motion, to make Jimmy happy. Yes, I started laughing when he told me to scramble them that way. I said, “Ok.”

He told me I could laugh if I wanted to but it was lucky for him. I kept laughing…how in the hell can you not laugh over this?

I dealt the next hand. Jimmy couldn’t play and told me I spread the cards too ‘long’ when I scrambled, and I needed to do it only about 18 inches in a circular motion. Brian told him that 18 inches was out of the question for any man, then Jimmy said that I would be looking Brian up if he didn’t quit talking about 18 inches. God! I laughed even harder…lunacy could never compete in this atmosphere.

About 6 months ago, I started a new game with Jimmy and three other players, they high card for the button and the playing order of the Mixed Games. As soon as the high card was drawn, Jimmy demand, “Deal, Linda!”

I said, “Jimmy, he hasn’t chosen the order of the games. I don’t even know what I’m dealing.”

He almost screamed, “Deal anyway!”

Wrong answer. I waited for the game choice from the player that drew high card. The twist in all of the games I deal? Each player is the twist.

Then we hopped into a huge action hand in the Deuce: four players, Tommy was the Small Blind, Eli, the Big Blind, Mike under the gun, and Jim was last, having the Button since Brian folded.

Every street was capped, on the 3rd draw, two players stayed pat and the other two drew one.

Tommy bet out, Eli raised, Mike called, and Jim raised.

Tommy started fitching and twitching, “Fucking son-of-a-bitch, fuck…” it rolled off somewhere, lost in the noise of the room, but his mouth kept moving and he kept looking at his cards. He finally slammed his cards into the felt, flipping them with his fingers, his mouth still spouting obscenities.

Eli never said a word but called the raise.

Mike stood up, “This fucking Bellagio, fucking asshole, fucking shit…” that went on for about a minute and half as he stood up with his cards, looking at the table, the size of the pot, the raise he was facing, and he finally threw his cards onto the table and took a walk.

Jim showed a wheel, 7-5-4-3-2.

Tommy kept swearing, picking up his chips, gesturing at me, fuck was about the only word in his vocabulary right then. He left, almost tripping over his own feet in his angry departure.

I shuffled up and announced, “This is the last hand of the game that everyone hates but keeps on playing.”

It was the 8th hand and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but hey…they share all their profound insight into life with me, so why shouldn’t I share a little of mine with them.

Jimmy said that if I ran a business, I’d drive customers away rather than bring them in, and I should be named the terminator because he’d never seen so many people go broke while I was dealing…totally a myth.

I asked, “Well what can I do? The cards are coming right off the top.”

He was chuckling during this conversation and not mad or mean. I was pretty much in the front row seat of a comedy act and I couldn’t help but laugh with him. Those damn Swear Beatles had a heyday at this table.

Eli and Jim got called to Pot Limit Omaha, $50-$100 Blind, Brian and Jimmy decided they would play Chinese and I dealt three to four hands of that before I got pushed. All of a sudden, Table 1 was quiet. Whew!

My next game was the Pot Limit Omaha game. Devil Fish was in the 1s. They had a twist in the opening round that’s new to Bellagio, any player could put a Straddle on it from any position, $200, but the action started with the player in the Small Blind.

I found this to be a little strange, I would’ve thought that the player under the gun would act and when it came to the Straddle, they could raise or check and the action would move around to the Blinds, where they would call, raise, or fold. The way they’re playing, the Small Blind has to act first and either call the $150 more or throw their hand away, giving up the $50. Called the Mississippi Straddle…more fun and games.

My next game was $60-$120 Omaha 8 or Better with a 1/4 Kill. While dealing it, the game on Table 1 jump started again. Not sure what the game was but I could sure hear the noise. Scotty N., was in it, he was drinking, upset, and swearing. One of the players in my game was watching the noise and confusion – my back was to that table – and he said, “Scotty called the dealer a fucker in Vietnamese and the dealer called the Floor. Scotty forgot the dealer was Vietnamese.”

Everyone in my game was laughing over it. The noise from Table 1 went on for about five minutes before it got settled down.

My next break found me jumping into an escape hatch. I had signed the E/O list, we had plenty of dealers, and Suzie left me go early…I did not walk, I ran…right out into the heat of the Vegas night.

Yippee! I escaped the Bugs, Mites, and Beatles.