I’m mentally ill…yes, I know, I’m crazy and pride myself on holding that precious status…but I’m really sick in the head. I can’t stand humanity right now and most of all, I can’t stand myself. No matter where I go, I run into me. No matter how hard I try to get around myself, there I am again. There’s no escape from thinking I should grow up while a little voice whispers, ‘Why the hell should you? Where’s the written rule that says you have to? And what difference does it make?’
I want to run with the wild wind, scream at the moon on a starless night, stand on top of the tallest mountain and never, never, never come back to the real world.
Every night, it seems, I walk into Fright Night. Players that used to play high limit on a daily basis at the Mirage and moved to California and New Jersey, are circulating in the room. For once, I have to agree with Sam G. His expression is always, “Freaky! That’s really freaky!” Amen! Some of these people are really freaky.
My calm and peace of mind packed up and left town a week ago in total rebellion, leaving a note that went something like this, ‘Hey bitch, you’re flying this one on your own. Happy landing!’
It’s just too much high limit and tournament players for too long. Close to six weeks now of nothing but nonstop action and noise, heat and blaring microphones.
My night started with $300-$600 7 Card Stud, Table 1, right into $300-$600 Mixed Games on Table 2, hop right up to the next game of $400-$800 7 Card Stud. Downgrade to two $30-$60 Holdem games, one $15-$30 Holdem Game and jump start my brain again with $600-$1200 Mixed Games. I tried to do a ‘dufus’ error in this game when Curtis got quartered but they saved me from myself.
It seemed as if I was in every game at least two days but my watch only showed 30 minutes…does this mean I’m time warping or skipping into a parallel universe?
I finally hit a $1-$5 7 Card Stud game in which I laughed my ass off. The 8s was a frisky, quick witted and lippy male, somewhere around 50’ish. When I sat down, he started with, “Oh, no….”
I looked at him, he looked at me. He was shaking his head. I said, “Geez! I just sat down and I feel like I’m under attack.”
He nodded as if that’s the way it would be.
The line-up in this game went: 1s-male. 2s-male and could speak very little English but he was telling the 1s what was going on in the game. 3s-male that has played in my game before. 4s-male about 30’ish. 5s-female scantily clad, married, a little too old for the outfit she was wearing but…she turned a few heads, especially the 8s. 6s 50’ish female, classy looking and I’ve seen her before but not a regular. 7s female, around 50-60 quick wit and sense of humor with very robust laughter. 8s male, full of himself but in a socially acceptable manner.
The 8s asked the ladies if they’d heard the joke about the four different kinds of orgasms.
The 7s said, “No!” with her ears totally tuned and the 8s said, “Me neither.”
Laughter from everyone.
Then he proceeded to tell the joke, a ‘yes orgasm’ went like this, “Yes! Yes! Y-e-s!” and he groaned and threw in the full sound effects while he did it. The joke really wasn’t funny but he was. The ladies were laughing and he was shining.
The 5s brought up the fact, more than once, that her husband was playing Black Jack and she couldn’t believe he was gone this long.
The 8s went with, “Perhaps I can be of assistance.”
She replied with, “In helping me find my husband?”
Not quite what he expected to hear but everyone was laughing.
The 2s tried to run the game a few times by declaring the winning hand and he was wrong every time. I said, “Wait! I do this for a living.”
The 5s loved it. She thought that was the best statement she’d ever heard.
Security was changing the drop boxes by now…and we all know how much I like that, all you have to do is read the ‘dear diary’…the security guard hit the key, dropped the box, and when he pulled it out, the 8s jumped back and made sounds like, “Oh God! Ouch!”
Everyone roared again. The security guard finally caught on that it was a joke and even he had a little glimmer of smile as he moved to the next table.
I dropped the rake a few minutes later and the drop slot slammed shut. The 8s said, “Wow! A little guillotine.”
I said, “Yup,” grabbed the lever, pulled it clear back, and let it snap into place.
8s, “That would cut off your finger!”
“Yup.”
8s, “And anything else you put in there.”
I replied, “Don’t even try and get in that position on this table.”
Everyone was in stitches, almost rolling on the floor laughing.
“Or that security guard will be right back to get you.”
They laughed harder now.
The 7s said, “And don’t think what you put in there would ever replace the rake.”
Peals of laughter now.
I threw in the corker, the coup de grace, “Don’t try to leave a little tip either.”
They went nutzzzz! I almost couldn’t deal, I was laughing so hard. It took the 8s about 30 seconds to get what everyone else got right away.
I slapped myself on the cheek and said, “I’m so bad!”
It took a few minutes for everyone to settle down and play. The 8s told me I would never get another tip…he was kidding.
I got pushed and when I did, I thanked them all for sharing their time and laughter with me. Laughter really is the best medicine. I felt much better after that.