More

We are born – we live – we die!  Such a simple concept.  At the end of our lives, as the mainstream of humanity rushes on by, we are simply a statistic, sometimes recorded in health studies, sometimes recorded in the pages of history, but in most cases we are simple bodies that go about the task of every day survival until we become a statistic.

Most of our lives are spent rubbing elbows with people that are just like us, simply because we choose our friends in accordance with our own behavioral patterns or similar interests.  The distance from birth to death (not in all cases) is monumentally incalculable, hence, the ramble.

To try to estimate or guess who goes through what as they move down life’s road is impossible.  Most of us have secrets, things we do not want to share with others, some of it has to do with our pride, some of it has to do with embarrassment, some of it has to do with failure, and some of it is just too dark to even bring to the forefront of our thoughts – let alone pull it out and let the world take a look at it.  We are not born wise – and some of us never even come close to that state even if we become  centenarians – and there is no road map or ‘life for dummies’ out there that would handle situations we face…and if there was, would we listen or do as instructed?

For most of us the path through life is fraught with emotional setbacks, hardships that are either physical or financial, watching those we love do self destruct (include ourselves in that one), and always wanting more than we have.  The nature of the beast, always wanting, always dreaming, always searching for more.  What is more?

My definition is surely not the same as yours.  And aging definitely changes the equation.  With aging (without all the hormonal rush and insanity it brings) we have the opportunity to open the window to our soul and view what lies within – not only in ourselves but those around us – making it much easier to put the puzzle together and understand why people do what they do.   Understanding why they do it, may make it easier to tolerate certain situations and issues with people we have close contact with but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with it when it’s in our face.

We face many crossroads – looking back brings questions.  Did I take a wrong turn when I should have said “yes” and said “no” instead.  Did I stay in the same place and never change my patterns or street address or address my physical existence and the role it plays in providing a house for my spirit and thoughts? Who knows if we had moved in a different direction, if our lives would be better than now, or if it would have made a difference at all?

Are all the answers within ourselves, all the time, from the day we become a spark of life until that last spark fades?

If so, did the assholes that live next door to me know that they would ride a shitty little 50 up and down and back and forth on their property when they were in their 30’s? If so, how do we become so convoluted and messed up as we try to grow up?  Are the answers to ‘more’ just a glimpse of envy as we see what someone else is doing and wish we could attain that and the truth is we are ‘more’ and have everything if we could just reach inside and utilize our own strengths and abilities?

I can remember many days of wanting more than I had, wishing for better times, praying to survive what I felt the world was throwing at me at the time.  To a degree, I have graduated.  Now my biggest ‘more’ is wishing the world would be filled with the peace on this sleeping child’s face:

And there would be no more wars, no brutal senseless killings, no criminally insane, no physical or mental handicaps, no pain or suffering as we age, no greed, we had worldwide peace, run out your own list here

And, of course, one of my ‘mores’ would be to win the WSOP.  Can pigs fly?  Maybe…someday!

But honestly my ‘mores’ are not very complex and I find myself looking back at times, remembering stress and strife and struggling just to feed kids and survive and then I wonder how I managed to get where I am.  Perhaps…just perhaps…the first spark had the answers.  Now if I could just find them…

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