*post continued*

The Tunnel of Love – that’s got to be the sickest joke I’ve ever heard. We parked, walked under the canopy that housed an energetic, talkative bundle of male flesh, and we knew we were going to need flashlights because they were lined up on a makeshift counter. We visited with the host for a few minutes and he established that we were from Vegas and dealing poker and blah, blah, blah. He was fun.

That was the only part that was fun. Two couples that had gone through the Tunnel of Love arrived, soaking wet (yes it was hot as hell and muggy as usual), and they were talking about how dark it was, kind of scary, they had seen bats, the steps going down were dangerous, and on and on and on, and WHY WASN’T I LISTENING? At the same time, the host slapped a receipt into my hand and exclaimed, “This is for you!”

It was a receipt for $14.00 – that’s what it would cost for Jim and me to make the trip. I paid. I can’t believe I paid for that nightmare. We got our flashlights and headed into the Tunnel of Love. The steps were extremely steep, made of pieces of concrete poured over some uneven and twisted rocks, and a rope hung down the slope for us to hang onto as we climbed down into hell. I managed to keep my camera strap over my shoulder, grab the rope and use it to keep me from falling into hell, and use my flashlight to semi light my way down.

When I hit bottom, Jim yelled, “Aren’t you going to shine your flashlight so I can see?”

I screamed, “Hell no! You didn’t shine yours for me.”

Besides, I was reaching panic zone by now. Did I ever mention that I’m extremely claustrophobic? I was trying to shine my little, teensy beam from the flashlight around me to see where I was and what was coming up next. This cave had absolutely no personality as far as I could see. It was just a hole in the ground that was scary, confining, and the air was bad. Welcome to Hell!

When Jim got to my level – honestly I’m not sure if anyone could get to my level at this point because I was seriously talking to myself…calm down…you can do it…there’s a way out…*primal scream at the back of my throat* – we went deeper and further back into the cave. I made the mistake of shining my light by my feet, Big Fucking Ugly Bug! Kee-rist! It just don’t get any better than this.

We moved on, dropped lower, and finally saw a sign that stated, 150 mm to exit. At this point we were in a fairly good-sized cavern but it was so dark it was hard to tell what it even looked like. We could see some bats up on the ceiling and I tried to take a picture of them but with the darkness, I had no idea what I was zooming, shooting or if the flash would even pick it up.

We ran into a dead end with a sign that read 50 mm to exit. Nice. Should we go left or right? And the ceiling was getting much lower. Hello Hell! I was grouching like a crazy bitch by now. “Which way do we go?” – “What if that’s not the way out?” – “What if we go down it and it dead ends?”

Jim found a pink arrow on the overhead rock that pointed to the left. So be it. We were bent over by now, overall height about four feet, more bugs, and more darkness ahead. Finally…we started up. We had to climb. There were more bad steps going up, if we didn’t reach up with our hands and pull up or hang on for support, it was dangerous as hell – and dark. My teeth were clenched, “I WANT TO THROW THIS FUCKING FLASHLIGHT AGAINST THE WALL.”

I really didn’t because I would then be in the dark, reliant on Jim to show me the way out, and it would be a totally stupid move, but my emotional stress was pretty high. I know Jim was laughing at me but it didn’t change a thing in how I felt about it. As we started to see light up above, the steps became a little better. I turned around, snapped a picture of Jim climbing up –

looked back at my feet, and from nowhere, this damn lizard appeared right where I was going to step. I did the scream thing. Stupid lizard. Did he know who he was dealing with here? If I weren’t such a gentle creature at heart, I would have smashed his guts out just for startling me.

About 20 feet from the exit, while I was still climbing up, I moaned, “Thank you, God, for not punishing me for being a wanton slut in my twenties.”

I think Jim laughed at me over that too…he was somewhere behind me, still climbing up. But I was serious. Paybacks are a bitch and I don’t want to be punished for something I did when I was young and crazy.

The air was really bad in the Tunnel of Love…possibly too much heat from all the orgies and screams that went on in there. When we hit the exit to the cave, I really thought I was going to throw up. Part of it was my mental distress at the black abyss I’d been through – mine and the cave. And part of it was the air in the cave and the heat – both inside and out of the cave.

We had to walk almost a quarter of a mile to get back to the canopy and the host. While we were hiking back to the canopy and I was thanking God I’d made it out alive, Jim told me he was claustrophobic too. Maybe he was laughing so hard at me that he didn’t have time to jump into the screamer mode. He told me about a cave crawl that he did with three other guys and a guide. I can’t even think about it without wanting to scream.

We arrived at the canopy. It was inner core meltdown again…hotter than hell, glad to be back in daylight without walls closing in, and the host was just too happy to pat me down with paper towels…arms, shoulders, neck and upper chest area. Perhaps I should have asked him out for the evening. As it was I just wanted to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

We escaped and headed for the Flea Market and shopping. Jim was looking for a few gifts – he’s got a gal in Colorado – and I opted to have my hair braided by the ladies in one of the shops. Not to worry, Jim called me “Oh beaded one,” so many times I thought I was going to have to slap him. Hair done, shopping finished, we stopped at a Subway and had food. Then off to our home away from home where we packed and got ready for the dreaded plane trip home the following day. The last picture from the 10th floor as the sun was going down:

I called my son in Vegas to make sure he was picking us up. I told him we would be there at 10:30 p.m. but Jim would have to find his own ride to my house because he was on my nerves. *laughter*

We went to Gilligan’s for food later that night. We were the only ones there. A woman arrived just before we were ready to leave and it shows to go you how the poker people fill up empty spaces and put money into the local economy.

Jim went to the Wyndham poker room to play, I went to work on a post and have a few of my brews that were still in the refrigerator. Jim arrived within a short time, happy that he’d made a royal flush. His $20 bet on the River wasn’t called but for some reason, he showed his hand anyway. The House paid him $400 for making the Royal. He said it was the cairn he built. It changed his luck. J

October 5th. Time to fly…literally. We turned in the car, checked out, got a cab, and made it to the airport early. Remembering my other return trips from Aruba, this one was a cakewalk. We were heading into an area where we were going to pick up our luggage after it cleared Aruba Customs and turn it in to American Customs for boarding. We walked down a hallway with the windows about shoulder height, matching the ground outside. This beauty was outside.

As soon as I put my face and camera up to the window, he raced over, just like he was trained to dance for food, he bobbed his head four to five times like he was waiting for us to take care of him for performing. That’s when I got this:

After I bent over to put the camera away, he moved off and did a full flex…wish I’d held the camera thing a minute longer.

We got through two sets of customs, found a place to fall down while we waited for our plane, and even found a glitch in the airport wifi so we had free access. I logged onto an online poker account and left Jim playing two games for me. He won a few $$$. It was time to fly. We had a four-hour layover in Miami. It took us almost 16 hours to reach Vegas after we left our hotel room in Aruba. Ugh! I hate airports and flying and the Tunnel of Love. Other than that…D-A-M-N…I had a great time.

It’s never too soon to download the Ultimate Bet Software and start honing your skills for the trip in 2006. And you can always win your way there.

*end post*