Someone said I’m cynical and that jaded would be an understatement…could be true…I may see the dark side of the poker arena but that could also be what gives me a sense of humor, what makes me laugh when the situation is almost unbearable, and what keeps me coming back.

Let me take you through a tour of my side of the arena.

1) As a dealer, I’m expected to be dysfunctional…you laugh? But it’s so true. The normal dealer personality is a person that has all or most of the habits, like machines, horses, sports, the pit, alcohol, and a few million other problems.

While they’re watching a sporting event on TV, that they have a bet on, the game they’re dealing is interrupting them.

When they get an E/O, they’re back in the room looking for a loan within an hour because a machine got what they just worked all night for.

They play poker on the clock and blow off a night’s worth of tokes by not dealing and then take a loss in the game too…really depressing, like a double bad beat only they did it to themselves.

If they book a big win on sports, pit, etc., they want to take a week or so off because they made their nut for the time being and they deserve a break…you think I’m kidding, right? I’m not.

They get stuck, playing a pit game or poker, drinking and gambling, and they stay and play until it’s time for them to go to work, then it’s either call in sick for work or go to work sick about what they just spent the last 16 hours doing, losing their money and punishing their body.

They deal as if they don’t give a damn whether anyone likes their dealing skills or not and then expect a tip just because they pushed a pot.

Yes, I am a dealer. I’m really not guilty of any of the above but it still goes with the turf and consequently a lot of players look down their noses at dealers because they see this behavior and then believe we all do it. I also see it, I listen to it, it’s a never ending audio and video that runs, blip, blip, stop…start over with new players, run, blip, blip, stop…

2) Then I get to see it from a player’s point of view. I have spent years at the table as a player. I see dealers make mistakes…the same dealers make the same mistakes over and over. I see dealers that could improve but they just don’t give a damn. I see dealers with bad attitudes and habits and watch them smirk or jeer at a player when the player asks a questions or requests a courtesy…but that dealer still expects a tip when a pot is pushed.

I completely understand why some players can’t stand dealers and think we’re all a bunch of low life retards. I don’t understand why players throw cards or swear at a dealer when the dealer is doing their job and the only thing happening is the player is losing. All the rest of it I understand, I’ve watched it happen, hated watching it happen, had to watch it happen over and over again…it goes back to the run, blip, blip, stop…

I’ve worked on my table attitude and demeanor for years. When I’m losing, it seems everyone and their dog wants to come by and talk or wag their tail and I have to be entertaining and cheerful, even though I haven’t won a pot in three days.

As soon as I start making comments like, “Yeah, you had a great flop for that hand,” it’s time for me to leave and I know I’m cooked so I do, but I leave wishing I could burn every poker deck in the world, and usually have a long discussion with my steering wheel on the drive home…I don’t take it out on dealers.

3) And I sit in the dealer’s chair. I get cards thrown at me because someone lost a pot. I get ‘the look’, the grumbling, mumbling garbage from someone that might win 10 hands in a row and lose one, and the player that tries to make me make a mistake because they want me to be punished for dealing.

I get the ‘pros’ that are skilled players when they are winning but I get the credit when they take a beat. I get to listen to how great some of the ‘name brand’ players are but I get to fade their Bullshit when I’m dealing and they’re losing. I’ve been called everything but a ‘white woman’, in all languages, since I started dealing poker years ago.

I’ve watched people go on huge, long term rushes and win all kinds of money, then blow it back playing higher and higher and then they believe I did it to them. Some of them hate me just because I deal, not because I ever said or did anything to them. I’ve watched people blow off their bankrolls, their rent, their family and friends, appointments, and a few million other things while I’ve held a seat on both sides of the table.

4) I’ve watched them die (literally), seen them fall off their chair or collapse at the table and have to be transported out by medical attendants, and I’ve watched some of them die over a period of time when they’re filled with cancer or another disease or the aging process…both players and dealers.

I’ve watched some of them fight, as in get up and try to beat the shit out of each other…hate it! A few have been arrested right out of the room, players and dealers. Both players and dealers have had personal items stolen from them.

I’ve watched them fall in and out of love, watched them hustle the almighty $$$, watched them come into town for a few nights and think that everyone that works in Vegas is ready to party down and spend the night with them…hey, after all, they’re here on vacation.

Day after day, year after year, it taxes my light spirit and sense of warmth for my fellow man but before you despair and scream, “GOD! Poker sucks…it’s a pit!” Keep in mind that it’s like scenes of life playing out, hour after hour, day after day. Read the newspaper, watch the news…you’ll get the picture.

Jaded? Me?